Crash Into You
by Criminalmindschick221
Summary: Love was a scary thing to Amelia. She knew she had feelings for Owen, but the idea of trusting someone holistically and letting someone else in after all the people she'd lost terrified her. She didn't know if what she felt for Owen was love, but when they get in a car accident and their lives are put on the line, her feelings finally become clear.
1. Celebration

Hi everyone! I just finished season 12 of Grey's and I love Amelia and Owen so this is going to be a story, Amelia-centric, but also about their relationship.

Just for context, this happens sometime in season 11. Derek is not dead, but the plane crash already happened and Maggie and Riggs are there too.

Thanks for reading!

"Damn it! Damn it! She's crashing." Amelia said out loud, holding her patient's head steady as numerous other doctors worked on the wounds in her abdomen. Even the slightest of movements to her neck or head could, and most likely would, leave the patient paralyzed from the neck down. So, concentrating and watching the other doctors, Amelia calmly held her patient's head in place.

"We're losing her." Grey said from a few feet away as she worked to stop some of the abdominal bleeding.

Next to her, Pierce lifted up the paddles and the high pitched charging noise filled the room, "Clear." She said loudly before pressing the paddles to the patient's chest.

The small, 15 year old girl, strained upwards with the shock.

Amelia, who had been forced to let go during the shock, watched in horror as the patient's neck twisted ever so slightly. "Crap." She said quietly to herself as she moved over to check the patient's hands and feet for reflexes and movement.

Before she could, however, she heard her name. "Dr. Shepherd!"

Amelia turned towards Pierce, who was holding the paddles over the patients again. She nodded down to Amelia's hand which was on the patient, "I said clear." She repeated and Amelia backed away.

The machines behind Pierce displayed a clear flat-line as all the doctors in the room listened to the long, obnoxious and very familiar tone of the machine.

Pierce shocked again and then again a third time, until finally, quietly, she said: "Call it."

Amelia glanced at Grey, who looked much too tired and much to frustrated to make the call so she looked up at the clock, "Time of death…7:16." She peeled off her gloves and gown and then exited the room, not looking back.

She'd always been a runner.

After losing a patient, after knowing they were gone, her first instinct was to get out of there. She would walk away, get as far away as she could because if she stayed, if she watched the white sheet cover the patient's face, if she felt the coldness of their skin, she'd be reminded of all the other times she'd felt that cold before.

Her father, one of her friends, the first man she'd ever loved…

She couldn't afford to feel that. She didn't have time to.

So she was a runner.

And as she was making her run for it out of the ER, turning quickly around a corner, she ran right into someone. Looking up as she mumbled an incoherent apology, she found herself staring into deep blue eyes she recognized, "Owen." She said, slightly relieved.

"In a hurry?" He seemed amused.

Amelia wasn't in the mood. She offered a slight smile, "Yea, sorry again." She mumbled, "I have to go, I have a consult."

Owen read her expression and her body language so he didn't push, "Wanna get lunch later?" He asked as she moved past him.

Amelia turned back towards him and smiled again, this one just as half-hearted as the one before, "Yea, sure." She said before turning again and continuing to rush down the hall.

When she got upstairs for her consult, she was glad to find Edwards waiting for her outside the room with two interns, all the information ready and all the scans and lab work done. Looking over the data, she entered the patient's room, the 15 year old from the ER still on her mind, but quickly fading.

"Well hey there Charlie, how are you feeling?" She asked, looking at the smiling 24 year old sitting in front of her.

His smile only grew when Amelia entered the room, "Feeling so much better now that you're here, Dr. Shepherd." He said brightly.

Amelia smiled and pulled out her light, checking his pupils.

Behind her Edwards, began to recite information, "Charlie Willis, 24, survivor of liver cancer that he developed when he was 16 and of an acute melanoma when he was 20, has now developed, as other surgeons have called it, an inoperable brain tumor in his frontal lobe."

"Yep, but third time's the charm, right Dr. Shepherd?"

Amelia, who had finished her brief neural exam, nodded and smiled, "Right you are, Charlie. Today's the day we've been waiting for." She glanced backwards at Edwards.

"This afternoon, Charlie is scheduled for an operation to remove the tumor in its entirety." Edwards grinning proudly, glancing back at the interns, who glowed with disbelief and admiration.

Charlie smirked and nodded, "Because Dr. Shepherd is a total badass." He looked at her. "I can't believe today is the day…"

"Nervous?" Amelia asked him as she scrolled through his chart on the tablet.

Charlie gave a small shrug, "Nervous, excited, terrified." He looked up at her, "But I trust you and all of your…" He looked at all the interns and residents, "minions. I trust all of you and I know that this is my only chance to be able to see my daughter have her first birthday so..."

Amelia gave a nod, "Not just her first birthday, Charlie. You'll be there for her first day of school, you'll hold her hand when the dentist pulls a tooth out, you'll take pictures of her on her prom day, walk her down the aisle and be there every time she falls and bumps her head…" She smiled softly down at him, "But _any_ time that happens, you better bring that beautiful little girl straight to me, alright?"

"Deal." Charlie said, laughing lightly.

Amelia didn't even realize she was holding his hand when she turned to leave. He gripped it tighter when she headed for the door.

"I want to hear the risks again." Charlie said suddenly.

Amelia nodded apprehensively, hoping he wasn't going to change his mind now, "Um, sure of course." She glanced at Edwards, "There's a chance of paralysis, you could wake up blind, you could wake up deaf, you could wake up with memory issues and of course, you could have detrimental brain damage leaving you brain dead or causing your heart to stop altogether."

Charlie took in a deep breath, "Okay, now the benefits."

Amelia nodded slowly, "Your cancer is terminal, Charlie. Without this surgery you will die. Maybe your daughter would not become an orphan today, but in a few years she would. Why should you settle for a definite death sentence when you have a chance with this surgery? Like you said, this surgery gives you a chance at a full, cancer-free life to enjoy with your wife and child without death looming over your shoulder every second." She gripped his hand tighter, "You have a right to be terrified. I know this is really scary for you, but I am good at what I do. I'm here with you, Charlie. We are a team and that means we have to work together to cross the finish line, alright?" She smiled, "Are you in?"

Charlie gulped and then nodded quickly, "Yes, yes…I'm in." He squeezed her hand one more time and then pulled away, "I'll see you in a few hours, Dr. Shepherd."

Amelia turned and walked towards the door again, "Get some rest. We have a game to win." She said over her shoulder as she exited.

The interns behind her watched in awe as she glowed with confidence, walking quickly down the hall, Edwards in tow, discussing surgical plans and techniques that they read about in medical school and dreamed about performing. Listening to her talk, they tried to scribble down every single word, absorb every bit of knowledge and wisdom they could from this Dr. Shepherd.

"Can you believe it? Two neurosurgeons in the family and both of them happen to be surgical gods." One of the interns muttered.

A second intern smirked, "Yea, I'd kill to get in on this surgery."

Amelia stopped abruptly, "Where's my pen?"

The second intern looked down on the ground, "Right here, Dr. Shepherd." He picked it up and handed it to her.

Amelia smiled, "Thank you, Parks. Why don't you scrub in this afternoon?"

The first intern looked at the pen, "What?!"

"I'm kidding Harrelson, but not about this: I have an aneurism to clip in an hour and you're both scrubbing in. Study up and meet me in the OR."

They both stared at her in shock.

"Go!" Amelia said a bit more firmly.

The two interns scattered, brimming with excitement and anticipation.

"Ahh, remember when you used to get excited for aneurisms?" Amelia asked as she and Edwards walked down the hall side by side.

Edwards shook her head as she scrolled through charts, "Nope."

"And when you and all your little intern friends used to fight over these scrap surgeries that no one else wanted to do, but that you thought the world of. Ahhh interns…I love their innocence and their sense of…cut throat competition. It's inspiring." Amelia mused as they made their way to another patient's room.

Edwards nodded, "You're very strange."

Amelia shook her head and went on with her thought, "You would have killed your best friend to get into a brain surgery and now, none of the residents are fighting to learn neuro…" She shook her head.

"I'm still here." Edwards protested. "I'm your prodigy."

Amelia shrugged, "I liked you better when you were an intern." She joked lightly as they entered the next patients' room.

An hour later, Amelia operated with the two interns on the aneurism. She noticed one had very steady, very precise hands and she made a mental note to ask for that intern on her service again.

As they closed, the one with steady hands made conversation, "Are you nervous for the surgery this afternoon, Dr. Shepherd?" She asked curiously.

Amelia looked up at her, "You know that feeling you had when you entered this OR? The slight amount of nerves hidden under the countless hours of studying or practicing that has prepared you. The excitement and apprehension and need to succeed. Not only is that how I will feel this afternoon, that is how it feels every time you step into an OR."

That night, the waiting room was quiet. It usually was, especially at night time when the late surgeries were. A woman sat in one of the chairs, struggling to read a magazine as she waited for her husband to get out of surgery. Her baby slept soundly in a stroller in front of her.

A man a few feet away from her had fallen asleep in his chair. Behind her a woman and her son were waiting, eating some of the hospital jello and talking quietly, undoubtedly about how awful the jello tasted.

She read the same sentence over and over, her thoughts wandering as she read.

Eventually her eyes wandered as well. As they trailed upwards, she saw someone walking down the stairs. Recognizing it to be her husband's surgeon, she stood up.

Two surgeons walked up to her, each in different shades of blue scrubs. They didn't look glad or sympathetic. She couldn't read their expressions and her heart just about stopped in her chest, "How is he?"

The smaller, brunette surgeon spoke, "Mrs. Willis…" She glanced at the baby asleep in the stroller, "Your husband's surgery was a success."

In disbelief, she continued to listen.

"During the operation, we were able to remove the entire tumor from his brain and from what we saw in the surgery, we do not think there should be any reason for him to develop any brain damage from the removal. However, there is no way to know for sure until he wakes up."

She nodded, "And when will that be?"

"Most likely tomorrow, maybe the next day." The surgeon told her with a small smile, "Would you like to visit him? He will not be awake, but-"

"Yes, yes!" She exclaimed, lunging forward and pulling her surgeon into a grateful hug, "Thank you so much, Dr. Shepherd, thank you so much for saving him…"

She felt Dr. Shepherd hugging her back, "It's not only me you need to thank. Charlie's hope and determination through all of this definitely saved him too."

She smiled and pulled away, "Will you take me to him?" She asked as she grabbed the strolled.

"Of course."

A few hours later, Amelia was in the attending's lounge finally changed out of her scrubs and finally ready to get out of the hospital. Today had been a really good day and she really just wanted to find Owen and celebrate.

Picking up her purse, she headed for the door and lucky enough, Owen barged in right as she went to pull it open. "Hey!" She exclaimed in surprise.

Owen glanced at her, "Oh, hey." He replied quietly. He was in his normal clothes too, obviously ready to leave from work as well.

"Owen, I've had the best day! A man, who's been to ten doctors across the country, came to me about his _inoperable_ tumor and today, I had his surgery and I removed it. I _removed_ an inoperable tumor. That's not even possible. I made the impossible possible today, Owen!" Amelia exclaimed, excitement and joy radiating from her.

Owen looked at her, but didn't smile. "You missed lunch today."

"What?"

Owen took in a breath, "Lunch. This morning when I passed you in the ER, you said we were getting lunch. I paged you, texted you and sat in the cafeteria waiting for you, but you blew me off."

"Oh, come on, Owen. I'm sorry, but it was just lunch…" Amelia said, "I had to practice for my surgery, which I crushed, if you didn't hear that from five seconds ago." She cracked a smile.

Owen shook his head, unamused, "This isn't the first time you've blown me off. You've skipped lunch and dinner several times with me. We always make plans and say we're gonna stick with them and then we don't. I'm just getting the feeling that the plans we're making to spend time together aren't as important to you as they are to me."

"I skipped lunch one day, Owen, god forbid." Amelia said spitefully, "We're surgeons. Our schedules are unpredictable!"

Owen huffed, "But you aren't even trying."

Amelia sighed, "Look, I'm sorry, Owen. I'm sorry I skipped lunch today, I'm sorry I've blown you off before…but I'm standing in front of you now, ready to celebrate and have fun tonight, so what do you say?"

Owen took a breath and paused, "No."

"What do you mean no?"

Owen stared at her, "Do you even want to do this with me?"

"Owen."

"No, no. I haven't really seen you in weeks-"

"We haven't had sex in weeks. Is that what this is about? Is that why you're so cranky about all of this, because we haven't had _sex_ in a while?"

"No, it's not just-"

Amelia cut in again, "Then what is it, Owen? Because I see you every day at work and I talk to you when I see you and we get lunch sometimes."

"That's not a relationship, Amelia!" Owen protested, "Getting lunch 'sometimes' and seeing each other at work is not a relationship. I want to go all in-"

"And you don't think that I want that-"

"Stop interrupting me!" Owen exploded out of frustration.

"Don't yell at me!" She shouted back, agitated.

Owen took a moment to calm down and spoke in a more even tone, "I want to go all in, but I don't feel like you do."

Amelia shook her head, "Of course I do. I'm not purposely blowing you off, Owen. I am the chief of neurosurgery and I'm trying my best to prove to everyone that I'm just as good as Derek was. It's a lot of pressure and hard work and it means late nights and early mornings and skipped lunches, but don't you understand that?"

"I get it, I do, but it seems like you aren't even trying." Owen argued, his face reddening with frustration, "I just wish you would act like you want this."

Amelia held her arms out, "What? Do you want me to profess my love for you every second of every day? I have a job. I have a department to run and so do you. I love my job-"

"But do you love me?" Owen raised his eyebrows.

Amelia gulped, "I…"

Owen shook his head and grabbed his jacket, storming towards the door angrily.

"Owen, wait!" Amelia rushed after him, but as they both reached the door, Arizona was making her way in.

"Oh, hey guys!" Arizona said brightly, "What are you two love birds up to?"

Neither of them said anything. Owen had his eyes on the door, itching to storm off and be alone while Amelia's eyes were trained on him, ready to pursue him if he left.

Arizona looked back and forth between them and then went to her locker, pulled something out and then slowly made her way back to the door, "I'm just gonna go…" She said awkwardly before leaving them alone again.

Silence filled the room.

And then, "I want to be with you, Owen."

Owen looked back at her, "Then show it." He stormed for the door again.

"Owen!"

He reached for the door handle, but she grabbed his arm.

"What?!" He exclaimed, just wanting to leave.

Amelia gulped, "Um, Meredith and Maggie already left…I need a ride." She said quietly, "I have no other way to get home."

Owen huffed, "Come on."

It was raining outside, which wasn't uncommon in Seattle. As they walked out, thunder cracked overhead, causing Amelia to jump slightly. Lightning quickly followed, lighting up the anger outlined on Owen's face when she looked at him.

The rain poured down on them as they walked to the car, leaving them both pretty much soaked when they reached it.

Owen pulled out of the parking lot and for a few minutes, they rode in silence.

"Owen, I wanted to celebrate with you tonight…" Amelia said solemnly, the pounding of the rain and the sound of thunder behind her statement.

Owen didn't look away from the road. He was gripping the steering wheel tightly, "Amelia…I don't want to talk anymore."

"Too bad." Amelia countered, "I did something amazing today. I took a man with no future and I gave him endless possibilities. It went from zero to infinity…because of me. Instead of saying goodbye to his wife and child, he will get years and years to enjoy with them." She told him, " _That_ is what I missed lunch to practice for. That lunch was a sacrifice to save a life, to conquer death…is that so wrong?"

Owen gritted his teeth, "Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Bring you patients into this. There isn't an ultimatum here, Amelia. You don't have to choose between me and you career, between me and your patients. You can have a relationship…you just don't want it." Owen replied.

"Stop saying that!" She exclaimed, "Stop telling me how I feel!"

Owen shook his head, "I tell you I want to be with you, you say maybe. I ask you if you love me and you say nothing-"

"Owen, I'm just not-"

Owen cut in, "Let me finish, Amelia!" He paused briefly before proclaiming, voice still raised, "You don't want this! And that's the truth! You want me sometimes and I'm not just gonna sit here and be here for when you decide you want to love me or spend time with me. It's not fair!" He looked over at her, meeting her eyes to emphasize his seriousness.

Just then, headlights lit up their view.

They were on a thin, one lane road. They were coming up on an elbow when a car, obviously sliding across the wet road and out of control, skidded towards them.

"Owen!" Amelia exclaimed in horror as the skidding car headed in their direction. As it went by, it clipped the side of their car, causing them to skid and spin to the left.

Owen slammed on the brakes, stopping them a few moments later.

Sideways across both sides of the road, they skidded to a halt. The car that had clipped them was to their left, stopped a few yards away.

Owen put the car in park and immediately turned to Amelia, "Are you alright?" He asked, touching her arm.

She nodded slowly.

And just as Owen was about to move the car out of the road, another set of headlights lit their car up, coming around the elbow. They didn't see what kind of car it was or how big it was, just that it was coming towards them.

"Owen, drive!" Amelia exclaimed.

The headlights got closer, coming perpendicularly towards them. It honked loudly and Amelia could see the large amounts of water shooting away from the tires so she guessed he was braking, but like the other car, was skidding.

Owen threw the car into drive, but as he hit the gas, because of the large amounts of water on the road, for a split second his car didn't move.

But that was long enough.

The headlights were on them and the large, what they would come to find out was a pick-up truck, crashed into the side of their car, slamming them violently against the car on the other side of them.

Meanwhile, the rain steadily continued to fall.


	2. A Team

She woke up to the sound of a horn. It was loud and rhythmic, beeping over and over and over again, making her head ache. She realized quickly that her eyes were closed and even though she knew she needed to open them, she feared that when she did, she would be horrified by what she saw.

Slowly, she opened her eyes and observed her surroundings. Her brain worked quickly to make sense of what had happened.

To her right, the headlights that they had seen, a truck, was smoking a few feet behind her. It had hit the backside of the car and she realized quickly that if the truck had hit the front side, hitting her directly, she would be dead. The window to her right was shattered and she could feel the broken glass all over her. Looking down, she saw that her seatbelt was still on and the air bag was deflated on the ground at her feet. Ahead of her, the windshield was shattered.

The car horn continued to sound. _Honk, honk, honk._

She reached down and unclicked her seatbelt, her arm aching horribly as she did. It was mostly likely broken, she decided. Gulping, she looked to her left.

 _Honk, honk, honk._

Owen wasn't moving. His head was slumped to the left, leaning against the left side of the car and almost hanging out of the open left window, which had also shattered. His airbag was sitting in his lap, keeping her from being able to see all of his injuries.

"Owen!"

 _Honk, honk, honk._

Reaching over with her 'good arm', which she saw had a large laceration on it, she shook him. "Owen, wake up!" She yelled, "Owen!"

As she shook him, he stirred.

His eyes shot open and his breathing quickened. He looked over at her and opened his mouth, which she observed was full of blood. He spit and then took in a deep breath before speaking, "Are you okay?"

 _Honk, honk, honk._

"Yes, I think so." Amelia looked down at her arms and wiggled her toes quickly to make sure, "Are you?"

Owen nodded slowly, "I think I have a few broken ribs, maybe a bruised lung and definitely a dislocated hip." He looked at her expectantly.

Amelia blinked a few times and took a few more seconds to really observe her injuries, "I have a broken arm, several broken fingers…" She could feel blood dripping down her face from her hairline, "A head laceration…" She looked down, "Oh and this…"

Owen looked over and saw a small piece of metal, most likely from the door that was stuck in her stomach. "That doesn't look too deep."

Amelia nodded, "Definitely superficial." She said, looking down at it, "Which means…" She reached down and gripped it by its rough edges, "We can pull it out." She gulped, but didn't start to pull.

 _Honk, honk, honk._

Owen turned and reached over, gently pushing her hand off of it before gripping it himself, "On three, okay?" He looked at her, "One, two-" And then he pulled it out.

Amelia moaned between her teeth, biting down on her lip so hard that she tasted blood. After a few moments, she was able to compose herself, "Thank you." She said quietly.

The rain was still falling, soaking them now that they had no protection from the windows.

Amelia, cradling her arm started to fiddle with the door, trying to get out.

"What are you doing?" Owen asked, watching her.

Amelia's door was not damaged too much so tenderly, cradling her arm, she was able to get it open and exit the car, "I'm going to check on the other drivers and make sure they're okay." She told him.

Owen nodded apprehensively, "Hey, be careful."

 _Honk, honk, honk._

Amelia met his eyes, able to see his fear and concern and she hoped her eyes offered a level, reassuring look even though she was sure they didn't. Unsteadily, she moved took a few steps, the pain from her stomach piercing her with every step. Looking down, she saw that her shirt was wet with blood, but it wasn't very severe so she continued her unsteady trek towards the truck.

The rain beat down on her mercilessly. She made it to the passenger's side of the truck, which was empty, but she was able to see the driver. His passenger window was shattered too so she leaned through it, "Hey, can you hear me?"

The driver was young, probably early twenties, maybe even younger. He had a few visible cuts on his face, but they looked to be superficial.

He looked over, obviously confused by the voice, "Who are you?" He asked, disoriented. He stared at her for a few moments and then must have seen the cut bleeding down the side of her face, "Oh…oh god." He shook his head, "You were in the other car."

"Yes, I was." Amelia said as she reached down with her left hand to pull the door open. It creaked as she did because it was severely dented and bent, "Are you alright?" She asked as the got the door open and moved into the passenger's seat to get a better look at him.

The man seemed to be in shock, "Oh, god. I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry. I-I lost control of the car. I tried to stop, I saw you there and I tried to stop, but the road it was so slippery." He was speaking quietly and hyperventilating.

"Hey, hey, calm down." Amelia said, reaching over and touching his shoulder to get him to stop. "This wasn't your fault. The road was slippery, we were already sideways. Me and the driver in my car are both alive so there's no blood on your hands, okay?" She said, "Now, listen to me. I'm a doctor. Do you feel any pain?"

The man nodded quickly, "Um, yes. My legs hurt and-and my neck hurts too."

"Okay, okay." Amelia said as she looked through his things. Mind racing, she pulled the keys out of the ignition, took one of the keys and pushed it into his thigh, "Do you feel that?"

He nodded, "Yes."

"That's a good sign." Amelia replied, dropping the keys into the cup holder, "What's your name?" She asked as she reached up and with her left hand, gently felt the back of his neck, checking the bones carefully to see if any were broken or dislocated.

He gulped, "Kenny."

Amelia nodded, "Okay Kenny, my name is Amelia." She told him, "Tell me when you feel pain." She slowly pushed down on each part of the back of his neck until she reached his shoulder.

"There."

Amelia nodded, "Okay, looks like you may have a broken collarbone and probably a broken leg, but nothing too serious. I think you're gonna be fine." She told him quickly, "Now, I'm gonna go check on the people in the other car, alright? Are you gonna be okay if I leave you here?"

He nodded.

Amelia stepped out of the truck carefully.

"Amelia."

She turned around to look at him again.

"I'm so sorry."

Amelia shook her head, "Kenny, its okay. We're all gonna be okay." She told him briefly before starting to walk through the rain again. Her stomach still hurt, she realized and she could feel the thickness of blood seeping through her shirt and her pants too. But she still made her way to the third car, the first one that had hit them.

Walking around her own car, the headlights burned into her and the honking was unbearably loud. She knew Owen was probably watching her so she tried not to display how much pain her stomach was causing her.

As she approached the driver's side of the car, she saw a person through the window, which miraculously had not been shattered. Her car was dented on the driver's side from the initial clip, but crushed on the front where Owen's car had been pushed into it.

Amelia knocked on the window, but the driver didn't move. It was another man, who looked to be about 40. Cautiously, she pulled the door open, which was pretty easy because the door was so severely dented that it could barely close anymore.

"Sir."

Rain soaked him as she pulled the door open.

He didn't move.

"Sir, can you hear me?" Amelia asked calmly.

But he still didn't move.

With a shaking hand, she reached out and felt his neck, hoping to feel the steady heartbeat under her fingers.

But all she felt was cold flesh.

He was dead.

She took in a deep, shaky breath and turned away. Like she did with patients, she had to leave. She had to run so she didn't have to feel the pain and the panic that she had been suppressing.

She hurried away from the car and back over to Owen's.

"Are they okay?" Owen asked from inside the car, his voice quiet.

Amelia heard him, but didn't reply. She felt like she was going to throw up.

 _Honk, honk, honk._

She reached out for the handle of the passenger door to re-enter the car, but her arm felt heavy. She took in a few deep breaths, suddenly feeling light-headed.

"Amelia?" Owen asked, concerned.

She looked down at her stomach again, but this time realized that the spot of blood on her shirt had grown immensely. Rainwater and blood seeped through her clothes.

She heard sirens in the distance.

Her legs started to wobble and she tried to steady herself, but the edges of her vision were already blackening.

"Amelia!" She heard from the car.

And suddenly she was falling backwards, but she blacked out before she even hit the pavement.

The ER was quiet that night.

April was standing at the nurse's station on the floor, filling out charts and relishing the quietness of the emergency room behind her.

It got like this from time to time. It would slow down to a couple of non-critical patients for 30 minutes, maybe an hour if they were lucky before picking back up again.

It had been quiet for 20 minutes already and April expected it to pick up again soon because of the rain. They got more accidents than normal when it rained, especially during large storms.

"Hey!" She heard suddenly from behind her.

She turned around quickly only to see Arizona making her way over, a bright smile on her face, which was not out of the ordinary, "Oh, hey." She replied with a small smile of her own.

Arizona's smile faded slightly as she observed her friend's expression, "You look like you're in a mood." She commented a little bit playfully as she leaned against the nurse's station and handed a nurse her chart.

"I'm just tired." April answered, knowing it was kind of a cop out answer, but she didn't have the energy or desire to think of a better one. "It's been a long day and my shift is almost over." She added vaguely, hoping that would be enough to hold Arizona off.

But it wasn't, of course.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

April, frustrated, tried to keep herself from blowing up at Arizona when she really hadn't done anything wrong. "No." She said finally, "Jackson and I are divorced, I've been on my feet all day long and now, I get to go home to my empty apartment." She barely looked up from the chart, "So no, I'm not okay, but I don't need help either. I just have to deal with it."

Arizona paused a moment before responding, "Wanna know what I think?"

"No." April replied, knowing her response wouldn't matter either way.

Arizona continued without a beat, "I think you need to get back out there. Look, it's been a few months since you two got divorced. Jackson has been dating and I think you should too. I'll come to the bar with you, be your wing woman if you need it, but I doubt you will." She smiled, "You're hot, April so don't sulk. Stand tall because you're a catch and you're gonna find someone, okay?"

April looked up.

"You're gonna find someone to come home to." Arizona added with a small nod.

April stared at her, knowing that she had been through this situation with Callie and understood exactly how it felt. "You're right." She nodded, "I'm gonna get back out there and find someone."

"There you go!" Arizona said, her smile returning, "I'll see you later. Let me know if you want to meet up."

April was about to reply when the phone at the nurse's station rang. One of the nurses answered it, spoke a few words to whoever was on the other line and then hung up, looking up at April, "Three car pile-up is on its way. We got three injured coming in, one deceased."

The lull in the ER was over.

April nodded at the nurse and quickly paged Grey, Shepherd, Pierce and Torres to the ER, knowing their specialties may be needed for the types of injuries coming in.

Arizona gave April a quick touch on the arm before starting to walk away, "I'm a really good wing woman, just to let you know! Plus, we can get some drinks, it'll be fun so don't cancel because I'm already excited about it." She said over her shoulder.

April rolled her eyes and smirked, "I'm not going to cancel…but only because drunk Arizona is way more fun than you." She joked before walking over the cart where the gowns were and pulling one down, tying it around her quickly.

She looked over the ER and took in the peace, knowing that in a few moments, it would be gone. She could hear the sirens outside already, getting louder and louder as they approached the hospital.

Though it was raining, April went outside, standing in the sheltered spot by the doors where she wouldn't get wet.

After a few moments, Grey and Pierce joined her, in the middle of their own conversation with Torres walking up shortly afterwards.

"I'm just saying," Pierce argued to Meredith, "you don't have to like her, but she's staying at the house with me. She needs someone right now so if it isn't gonna be you or Derek or Hunt, it'll be me."

Meredith shook her head, "Amelia is a lot more to handle than you think she is. She's like a grown child. She's messy, emotional and a little bit crazy and unpredictable all the time. I just want to make sure you know what you're signing up for…taking in a stray…"

"I used to be a stray, an alien, remember? But you guys took _me_ in." Pierce pointed out.

"That was different."

"How?"

"You aren't a pain in the ass!"

Three ambulances pulled into the bay one after the other. Once they were all stopped, the first and closest one's back doors shot open with two EMTs unloading a young guy on a stretcher, "Kenny Ross, 22, has a collarbone fracture, a shoulder dislocation and a broken tibia that pierced his skin."

Torres looked down and the moment she spotted his tibia sticking out of his skin, she yelled over the rain, "I got him!" She rolled him inside quickly with Wilson, her loyal resident, on her heels.

The doors of the second ambulance were open by then. One EMT pulled the gurney out of the ambulance, "Owen Hunt, 35, severe hip dislocation, several broke ribs and has signs of severe internal bleeding. He also has a punctured lung. We had to put in a chest tube on the way over here."

None of the doctors moved for a moment.

Pierce was the first to speak, "Did you say Owen Hunt, like… _our_ Owen Hunt?"

The EMT nodded, "Yes, this is Dr. Hunt."

Meredith exchanged a look with Kepner, "I got him." She claimed.

But Pierce shook her head, "No. You're too close to this. I'm the cardio thoracic surgeon here, I got him." She pulled the gurney away from Meredith, "Mer, I got him, okay? Don't worry." She reassured quickly.

Meredith took in a deep breath and nodded, standing in the ER doorway, watching as Pierce rolled Hunt away, thinking about the promise she'd made to Cristina that she would keep him safe and look out for him.

The doors slid open a few moments later as Derek walked out into the bay, "Meredith?"

She realized suddenly that she was standing in the rain, "That was Hunt! Did you see him?" She asked, still shocked.

Derek nodded calmly, "Yes…I saw." He put his gripped her arms, trying to calm her down too, "Pierce has him, okay? She has him…" He trailed off, looking past Meredith at the third patient that an EMT had just rolled off of the ambulance.

"Jane Doe." The EMT reported as she rolled towards them, "She was found unconscious at the scene. She has a broken arm and suffered severe blood loss due to an impalement in her stomach. She regained consciousness once in the ambulance, but only briefly."

"Derek." Meredith grabbed his arm.

But he wasn't looking at her, "Amelia." He said, quietly, which was drowned out by the sound of the rain.

The 'Jane Doe' stirred as the cold rain washed over her and her eyes fluttered open weakly.

"Amelia!" Derek exclaimed, louder this time. He rushed over to the gurney, "Amelia, are you okay? Can you hear me?" He asked, moving some of the wet, blood soaked hair out of her face.

"I'm so sorry, Derek."

He had to strain to hear her, "Amelia, what happened?" He asked, holding her not broken hand tightly in his.

"I didn't mean to crash your car! I'm so sorry!" Tears rushed from her eyes, soaking her face with the rain, "I needed it. You don't understand, I needed a hit, but I never meant to take that much…You have to believe me…you have to…"

Suddenly Derek knew what was happening. She thought it was 15 years earlier when she'd overdosed and crashed his Mustang, "It's okay…it's okay, Amelia. I'm not mad." He stroked her hair, gently, "You're gonna be okay."

Amelia's eyes fluttered again and she looked like she could barely keep them open, "You saved me…" She whispered, barely audible over the rain, "You saved me."

Derek gripped her hand, "I love you, Amelia. I'll always be here to protect you, okay? Don't you worry, you're gonna be fine. Nothing's gonna happen to you…you're gonna be fine." He repeated.

Amelia's eyes were already closed by then, but he knew she'd heard him because her mouth twitched upwards for the slightest smile before she lost consciousness again. Her skin was cold when he touched her face.

"We have to get her inside." Meredith urged, "What the hell happened?!" She asked to no one in particular as she rolled Amelia inside.

Derek didn't follow her in. He stood in the rain, in disbelief, watching his wife roll his fragile younger sister into the ER.

 _"What the hell happened?"_

 _"I'll always be here to protect you."_

He'd always protected her from everything: the robbers the store, his mother and their sisters, pain, unhappiness. He wanted to save her from all the hurt in the world, but as he watched Meredith wheel her away, he knew there was nothing he could to do protect her from it now.

Inside, the doctors worked urgently to save their friends.

Meredith hooked Amelia up to an IV and provided her with more blood while trying to assess her stomach injury. Taking out an ultrasound to check on her abdominal organs, she noticed something peculiar, but before she could ask someone else for a second opinion, Amelia stirred.

"Amelia?" Meredith asked, looking up and seeing a soaking wet Derek standing outside the trauma room, staring in.

Amelia blinked a few times, "What happened?" She looked around, "What's going on?"

Meredith gulped, "I need neuro in here."

The intern with her turned around, "Dr. Shepherd is just outside." He said, gesturing towards the window where Derek could be seen.

"No, get someone else."

The intern looked confused, "Dr. Shepherd is the neurosurgeon on call. I don't know who else-"

"Get Edwards." Meredith ordered succinctly, frustrated that she had to micromanage the interns.

"But Edwards is a resident."

Meredith didn't want to argue with her intern, "Don't question me. If I tell you to get Edwards, get Edwards. Go find her now and don't come back unless you have her!" She exclaimed.

The intern scrambled out, almost knocking over the crash cart.

Meredith turned back to Amelia, "You were in a car accident. Do you remember?"

Amelia looked down suddenly as Meredith touched her stomach with the ultrasound, only to see the large wound that had caused blood to soak her shirt, "Oh my god!" She exclaimed, "What's happening?!" Her breathing sped up.

The heart monitor beeping began to speed up.

"Amelia, stay calm, okay? You're gonna be okay. The cut on your stomach doesn't look too severe, but it may have damaged a part of your liver."

Amelia shook her head, "I remember arguing with Owen and driving in the car, but then…then I ended up here. What kind of accident? Where is Owen? Is he hurt?" She said groggily as she tried to sit up.

"Amelia! Lay down!" Meredith ordered firmly, "Owen is here too. Kepner and Pierce are taking care of him in the next room, okay?"

Amelia laid back and shook her head, "Oh god. I can't believe this is happening." She said, tears coming to her eyes.

"Hey, everything's gonna be fine. I have you now." Meredith told her.

Amelia shook her head, "Oh please, you don't even like me."

Meredith reached down to her phone and paged someone for another opinion, "Yes, I find you annoying and sometimes I don't like you, but you are part of my family so I love you and I'm gonna make sure you're okay."

Amelia took a few deep breaths, "I'm sorry I'm so annoying." She mumbled, eyes closed. "I've been working on changing that."

"Are you feeling a lot of pain?"

Behind her, the trauma door opened and Edwards entered.

Amelia nodded, "In my head and my abdomen…" She mumbled, voice quieter this time. She turned and looked over at Edwards as she walked in.

"Dr. Shepherd." Edwards greeted, trying to conceal the shock and concern in her voice. She took out her light and moved it back and forth in Amelia's eyes, "Pupils look good."

Amelia took in a deep breath, the pain obviously still bothering her.

"Having some pain?"

Amelia nodded again silently.

Meredith turned to a nurse in the room, "Let's give her some morphine."

The nurse nodded and moved to go retrieve the medication when Amelia spoke up.

"No, no…" She shook her head, "No pain meds." She looked up at Meredith, "I don't want any medication. I can't…"

Meredith looked down at Amelia, who was obviously in a lot of pain.

The nurse looked over, "Dr. Grey?"

Meredith nodded, "No pain meds."

Edwards continued her neural exam, making sure to rule out brain swelling and aneurysms. "No evidence of serious head trauma, but it does look like you have a concussion. Other than that, your brain is fine." She smiled, took Amelia's hand and squeezed it before heading for the door.

"Edwards?"

She turned back around.

"Thank you." She smiled a little bit, "You're gonna make a great neurosurgeon."

Edwards smirked, "A compliment? Maybe I should check your brain again." She joked lightly as she headed for the door.

Amelia let out a half laugh, half cough as she closed her eyes. "Don't worry...it's not gonna become a regular thing." She countered, causing Edwards to laugh as she exited the room, moving past Robbins as she made her way in, "I got your page." She said to Meredith before looking down at Amelia with worry, "Oh Amelia…" She trailed off, "I'm here to help, okay? You're gonna be fine."

Arizona walked over to Meredith and began another ultrasound. Glad that Amelia's eyes were closed, she looked over at Meredith, giving a small nod. "You were right…" She set down the ultrasound, "Amelia, can you hear me?"

Amelia nodded slowly, opening her eyes, but squinting, "The lights are hurting my eyes…"

Meredith turned to one of the interns. "Hey, turn off a few lights."

As they did, the room darkened a bit, which visibly allowed Amelia to relax her eyes.

Arizona leaned over and took her hand, "Amelia, sweetheart," She began, trying to keep her voice even, "we just performed an ultrasound. Did you know that you were pregnant?" She asked gently.

Amelia didn't say anything for a few moments until finally asking, "I'm pregnant?"

Arizona took in a deep breath and smiled one of those smiles she always did when she was trying to keep herself from crying. Taking in a deep breath and gripping her hand, she went on, "Yes, but the accident put a huge strain on your body and your little tiny baby well…the little guy couldn't handle it. When we did the ultrasound, there was no fetal heartbeat and it looked like your body had already expelled some of the tissue…" She informed her, "When you passed out, it wasn't from the blood loss of the cut on your stomach, it was because…"

"I was having a miscarriage." Amelia said, no feeling on her face or in her voice. She didn't even look at Arizona. Tears pooled in her eyes, but they were void of any emotion.

"Amelia, I'm so sorry." Arizona put her arms around the young surgeon, pulling her into a protective, maternal hug.

She didn't cry.

She sat stiffly against Arizona, the only thing even signifying that she knew the extent of what was happening were the blank tears streaming down her face.

Arizona gently rubbed her back as she held her for a few moments, "We need to take you up to surgery to remove the rest of the tissue in your uterus. Is that alright?"

Amelia didn't move.

"Amelia?"

She nodded silently.

They wheeled her out of the trauma room into the main ER where Derek was standing. He looked at Meredith and Arizona for an explanation.

"We have to take her up to an OR. It isn't a big surgery. She's going to be fine." She explained vaguely.

But Derek saw the vacant look in his sister's eyes. He saw how tightly Arizona was gripping her hand. He saw the sympathy and sadness in the intern's eyes.

"Amy…" Derek looked down at his younger sister. He leaned over the gurney and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into his arms and putting a protective hand behind her head.

At first, Amelia didn't react, but then she slowly slipped her good arm around her brother and gripped his jacket tightly. Derek felt her body begin to shake and a few moments later, he heard a heart-wrenching, breathless sobs as she buried her face in his shoulder.

He rubbed her back comfortingly, trying to prevent tears of his own from racing out of his eyes. "It's okay. I'm here, I got you. Everything's gonna be okay, Amy. You're gonna get through this…"

Amelia clung to her brother, her only source of comfort, "Why is this happening?" He heard her whisper, "I can't do this…"

"Yes, you can, Amy. I'm here for you and I'll always be here for you. I'm sorry this is happening. I'm so sorry…but I'll be here holding your hand every step of the way, okay?"

"I was pregnant." She breathed.

Derek held her even tighter.

"I lost my baby…again." Amelia began to sob again, but softer this time. "The career, the husband, the family…it's never going to happen for me."

Derek shook his head, "Don't say that. It will happen for you, Amy. The family, career, love, everything is going to happen for you, I know it."

"How do you know?"

"I know everything."

Amelia let out a half-sob, half-laugh, "How can you be an arrogant jackass at a time like this?"

Derek smiled and pulled away from her, "It's in my nature." He squeezed her hand and met her eyes, "But really, you are a young, intelligent and funny. You have everything going for you, in fact, if anyone in this family has enough intelligence and wit to be an arrogant jackass, it's you." He told her, smiling when she choked out a laugh, "You're gonna have everything, Amy."

She gripped his hand tightly and offered a smile that looked forced. She looked like she wanted to believe him, but couldn't.

Derek turned to Arizona, "Mind if I walk up to surgery with you?"

"Not at all." And they began to wheel her out of the ER.

In one of the other trauma rooms, Kepner and Pierce tended to Owen. His vitals were stable at the moment and he was awake, but incoherent. He was soaking wet, cold and struggling to breathe.

Pierce assessed his injuries, "Okay, looks like one of his ribs is broken and his left lung is punctured. The chest tube is holding, but it isn't stable. We need to get him up to the OR so I can repair his lung." She reported.

Kepner had just finished her ultrasound, "I see some internal bleeding in the abdomen from some compression damage to his intestines." She looked at Pierce, "I'll call the OR and let them know we're on our way."

Pierce nodded, "Torres will have to meet us up there for the hip." She said before looking down at Owen, who had an oxygen mask over his face. "Okay, Dr. Hunt, looks like you have a punctured lung and some internal bleeding in your abdomen. We're gonna take you up to the OR, okay?" She told him as she turned towards the door, but then she felt his hand grab hers.

She turned back to him. He pulled the mask off of his face and struggled to speak, but the strain on his lungs made it difficult for him to get out a complete sentence. "The…acci…accide…" He struggled.

"The accident?" Pierce asked, trying to figure out what he was trying to say.

Owen nodded quickly, "W-w-w…whe…where…?"

"Where is what?"

Owen stopped speaking, he just looked at Pierce and gripped her hand even tighter, hoping she would understand what he was asking.

Pierce knew the look in his eyes, "You're wondering about her, aren't you?"

Owen nodded quickly.

Pierce smiled a little bit and then turned back towards one of her interns, "Hey, you…go find out the status on Amelia Shepherd and get back to us in the OR, alright?"

The intern nodded and rushed out of the room.

Pierce turned back to Owen, "We'll find out about her before you go into surgery, okay? You're gonna be fine. You're _both_ gonna be fine." She reassured as they rolled him out of the room.

When they got to the OR floor, they found Derek standing at the doors.

"Dr. Shepherd." Pierce greeted as they approached with Owen, "How is Amelia? Owen…and all of us want to know."

Derek looked at all of the people standing in front of him: Pierce, offering a forced smile, eyes full of hope and concern, Kepner, expression painted with worry and stress and Owen, fear in his eyes. "Um…" He paused, "She had a wound on her stomach, some damage to her liver and a broken arm, but nothing very severe. They took her to surgery, but it's not a complicated procedure. She'll be just fine."

Derek walked over and put his hand on Owen's shoulder, "Now, it's you that we need to take care of."

"He's got some internal bleeding and a collapsed lung, we'll repair it in surgery."

Derek nodded, "Good luck. If you need me at all, let me know, I'd love to do… _something."_

Pierce and Kepner both nodded and then rolled Owen through the OR doors, leaving Derek behind. He gulped and then turned around, walking away from the door. He shook his head, hating that he lied to them, but hating more that Owen and his sister had to go through this. He'd seen his wife lose a baby. He knew what it would do to Amelia and he knew exactly how Owen was going to feel about it.

Amelia would feel toxic, like she was poison and like everything she touched she would destroy. And most importantly, she would feel alone because Owen would have no way of knowing how she felt. They would grow apart and Owen would have to watch her from a distance, watch her endure the pain and move through it without having any way of helping her. That was the part Derek had hated the most when it had happened to Meredith.

He shook his head in anger. He walked into the attending's lounge and kicked over a chair, but it didn't make him feel better. He sat down on the couch and buried his head in his hands. This wasn't the first time one of his loved ones had been through something like this.

He hated sitting around alone, waiting to hear back about his friends, watching them go through something so horrible and senseless.

He sat in silence for a long time.

Until suddenly, the door to the attending's lounge opened and Derek looked up to see Meredith walking in. He looked at her curiously.

She sat down on the couch beside him, "I paged Bailey and asked her to finish up. When I left, Arizona was just starting to…" She trailed off, "Everything looked fine when I left so I thought I'd come down and check on you."

Derek sighed deeply and didn't say anything for a few moments, "I was 5 when she was born. I remember that day so clearly. I remember going to the hospital and seeing my mom holding her. I'd seen a baby before. I had one younger sister already. I knew what a baby looked like, but she was smaller. She was so little and when my mom let me hold her, she reached out with her little hand and grabbed my finger." He smiled, "She wrapped her tiny little hand around my finger and I knew right then that we were gonna be a team."

"Amelia and I always just had this special bond. She was the problem child and I was the golden boy…"

Meredith smiled, "Of course you were."

He nodded, "I always looked out for her. When she skipped school, I covered for her. When she got dumped by her jackass boyfriend that my mom always hated, I drove down there and picked her up. When she got into fights with my sisters or my mom, I took her side because…someone had to. And I was the only one who even remotely understood her."

"She died in my arms once, Meredith. I held her and tried to save her, just thinking about the day she was born, how small and fragile she was." He shook his head, "Since then, since I realized she had a problem, I promised myself that I wasn't going to distance myself from her. My sisters and my mom, they don't understand her, they write her off as a problem-child and I promised myself I would be on her side, I would protect her."

"And now, here we are and she's hurting in ways that no one ever should." Derek said, "For a long time, I've been Amelia's only family and I am supposed to be looking out for her, but for the past few weeks, I've been taking her surgeries, trying to take her job…reminding her over and over again that she isn't me…she isn't the golden child." He shook his head shamefully as tears pooled in his eyes, "I just hope that she knows, you know? That she doesn't think…" He shook his head, "I just hope she knows that I'm on her side…and I've always been on her side."

He was shaking at that point, fighting and failing to keep his composure.

Calmly, Meredith reached over and took his head, meeting his puffy eyes, "She knows, Derek. Trust me, she knows."


	3. Day 0

_It was the last day of kindergarten. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, it was the perfect day to begin their summer. The young kids sat fidgeting in their chairs, anxious to be done with school. When the final bell rang that day, all of the kids ran out of their classroom._

 _Amelia was among them, rushing out, ready to meet her dad outside with her older brother and sister. But first, she had to get through the fifth grader playground behind the school. All of the younger kids talked about it because that was where the fifth graders hung out right after school. Most of the kindergarteners cut through the school to the front where the car loop was, but Amelia's dad didn't go through the car loop on days when he knew it would be busy. On busy days, like the last day of school, he parked in the back to avoid other people._

 _So Amelia had to go through the fifth grader playground. She stood at the back door, looking at all of them. They looked huge compared to her and all of her kindergarten friends. Her brother was in 6_ _th_ _grade at the middle school attached to the elementary school, but they barely ever saw the middle schoolers._

 _The 5_ _th_ _graders were the top of their food chain._

 _Amelia's sister Kathleen was in 5_ _th_ _grade so most of the 5_ _th_ _grade class knew Amelia already. The only problem was that Kathleen told embarrassing stories about Amelia because she found her annoying at home sometimes. So she'd had problems with 5_ _th_ _graders before, teasing her, singling her out because of her sisters' stories._

 _Amelia shifted nervously, getting ready to push the door open._

 _Another kindergartener came up behind her, "Don't get killed out there." He patted her on the back comfortingly, "I'm praying for ya!" He said before walking away with the rest of the younger kids._

 _"Thanks…" She said unenthusiastically._

 _Slowly, she pushed the back doors open and ventured out. She made her way down the sidewalk, walking with purpose so that hopefully, no one would bother her. She felt like everyone was staring at her when in reality, the 5_ _th_ _graders were so wrapped up with goodbyes and signing yearbooks that for the most part they didn't notice her._

 _She tried to keep her distance, but then she looked up and realized with horror that her dad's car was parked near a large group of 5_ _th_ _graders. To get to it, she would have to go through or at least go near the large crowd of them._

 _But she told herself it wasn't going to be a problem. She took in a deep breath and walked towards them, but once she got closer, despite her efforts, they noticed her._

 _"Hey! That's Katie's little snot sister!" Someone said._

 _She kept her head down, walking faster now._

 _"Hey! Hey, kid!" One of the girls blocked her path. "Are you Katie's sister? The one who threw up-"_

 _Amelia shook her head, "Nope, not me." She lied._

 _The girl didn't move. "You're lying." She reached down and took the books out of Amelia's arms, "What's this? Big Book of Science?"_

 _"I like science." Amelia replied innocently, trying not to start any trouble._

 _The girl looked at her friends and they all laughed before throwing the book down into the sand, "You like science? Probably because you don't have any other friends, or at least that's what your sister said."_

 _They all laughed again._

 _"That's not true!" Amelia protested, lip trembling as she tried to keep herself from crying._

 _"Aw, is she gonna cry?" One of the other girls laughed and shoved Amelia forward into the girl who'd blocked her path._

 _The first girl was surprised, "Get off of me!" She exclaimed, shoving Amelia off of her, harder than the other girl, and onto the concrete._

 _Amelia hit the sidewalk hard, elbows first and a felt an immediate wave of pain hit her. When she looked down, she saw blood pooling on the concrete._

 _The girls were frightened when they saw the blood, "Let's go." One of them said hurriedly and the group rushed away._

 _Amelia blinked tears from her eyes and looked up to see her older sister, Kathleen, staring over at her bleeding there on the sidewalk. They met each other's eyes briefly and then, even though she shouldn't have been surprised, Amelia watched in shock as her sister looked away and walked off in the direction of the girls that had harassed her._

 _She left her there on the sidewalk._

 _Alone._

 _She felt hatred well up inside of her. Angry tears stung her eyes as she pulled herself up off of the ground. She ignored the blood seeping slowly from her scraped elbows and walked over to the sand where her book had been thrown. She bent over and picked it up slowly, looking over at her sister and the other 5_ _th_ _graders._

 _With bloody arms, she reached up and wiped tears from her eyes, walking towards her father's car. She got in the back of the van, covering up her new wounds, watching as her brother and sister climbed into the van too and realizing for the first time that she couldn't count on anyone except herself._

Slowly, during the car ride, darkness invaded the memory. Derek, Kathleen, her father, they all faded away and then she descended into blackness, but only briefly.

Because then she felt the pain.

Intense aching pain coming from her stomach and abdomen. She shifted, hoping it would subside, but it didn't. If anything, it intensified.

"Amelia…" A voice said distantly.

She began to hear other noises too. Her heart monitor beeped steadily and she could hear voices of other doctors talking outside her room.

"Amelia, can you hear me?"

She felt like she was underwater. Her head throbbed and her entire body ached. Slowly, bracing for the light that she knew would blind her, she opened her eyes. The lights were dimmed, which she appreciated, and as her eyes scanned the room, the first person she saw was Arizona.

She was sitting by her bed with a few charts in her lap.

Amelia took in a few deep breaths, trying to manage the amount of pain she was in. She knew that they had probably respected her wishes and not administered pain medication. She turned her head and met Arizona's eyes, trying to conceal her discomfort.

It didn't work.

Arizona leaned forward, "Hey there." She offered a light smile, "Feeling some pain?" She asked and when Amelia nodded in response, she stood up and started to check some of her vitals, "Wanna tell me where it hurts?"

Amelia gulped, half expecting no noise to come out when she tried to speak, "My head and my abdomen mostly." She shifted again in her bed, hoping to find a position that would reduce the pain.

"Is the pain in your lower abdomen?"

Amelia shrugged, "There's some lower pain, but it's mostly near my stomach."

"Good." Arizona answered, "Despite what you're feeling right now, that's a good sign." She told her, "So, yesterday, your surgery was a success. I was able to remove all of the tissue from your uterus and Grey and Bailey were able to repair your abdomen wounds. There was some damage to your liver, but they seemed confident that the damage did not need to be fixed surgically and can be managed non- operatively." She explained, "So now, we're gonna monitor you for a week, maybe two, to make sure everything goes well."

Amelia nodded, "And Owen?"

Arizona seemed to know that question was coming, "Owen is out of surgery. Pierce was able to repair his pneumothorax, Kepner controlled his internal bleeding and Torres was able to fix his hip. The damage was severe and he was under for a long time so-"

"He might have brain damage." Amelia finished for her, "What does Derek think?"

"Derek is waiting for him to wake up to assess the damage done, but he seems confident that it will be minor." Arizona reported to her, "He expects him to wake up today, maybe tomorrow."

Amelia nodded with a small smile, "Good, that's good." She said, "And what about the kid? The kid in the other car?"

"Um, I think Callie took him into surgery, but the procedure went smoothly. That kid's gonna be fine. He'll be out of here in a few weeks, maybe less and then he goes to physical therapy." Arizona told her.

Amelia took in a breath, fidgeting again due to the pain, "Um, I had a patient…Charlie Willis. Can you check on him for me? I need to know if he's woken up yet. I operated on him…yesterday…" She trailed off.

Arizona nodded, "Yea, of course." She noticed her mood change, "You alright?"

"I operated on a patient yesterday." Amelia said and when Arizona still gave a confused shake of her head, she continued, "Yesterday I operated on a patient who had an _inoperable_ brain tumor. I removed it, the whole thing. Yesterday, I handed a man his life back. Yesterday, I was making neurosurgical history…I was happy and I felt like my life was coming together and today…" Before she could help it or control it, her eyes pooled with tears, "Today, my life is gone. The life inside of me, the happiness, it's gone. Today, all I can see are broken pieces of my life scattered in front of me…and I can't put it back together."

Arizona reached out and took Amelia's hand, "I know it might feel like it right now, but yesterday and today aren't the only two things in your life. There's also tomorrow. You can still have more children and get married and…it isn't over for you. I know today is hard, but you still have tomorrow and the next day and the next day to learn how to accept your broken pieces."

Amelia sniffed and nodded, wiping the tears off of her face. "You're right." She said, her rational-self trying to take over. She knew Arizona was right, but still felt sick to her stomach and empty and alone. "Can we talk about something else? Anything else…" She said, closing her eyes, leaning back and focusing on how to breathe and relax to reduce her pain.

Arizona smiled and nodded, "Sure, of course, um..." She answered, "Well, April and I went out last night. She's trying to get back out there and I was supposed to be her wing woman last night, but after the surgeries we had last night, neither of us wanted to flirt…" She smirked, "So we started doing shots."

Amelia cracked a smile as she listened to the story.

Arizona continued, "I don't remember the exact number of shots exactly, but I do remember we took a cab back to her apartment, went up to her roof and started drinking white wine." She smiled fondly, "The night ended with the two of us yelling off her roof down to strangers walking by, flirtatious things…it was fun."

Amelia chuckled lightly.

"I don't remember falling asleep, but I definitely remember waking up…it's been a tough morning." She lifted up her coffee cup, "But the hangover is fading." She smiled.

Amelia nodded and smirked, "Sounds like the two of you had a good night last night." She said, "Drunk Arizona is always super fun."

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" Arizona wondered out loud.

Amelia just laughed. "Thanks for that story, Arizona…and thanks for sitting with me." She said, "You didn't have to do this...and I really appreciate the company." She told her gratefully.

Arizona nodded, "I didn't want you to wake up alone. Derek has been in surgery all morning and Meredith had to sleep. They were both here earlier, you should know that."

Amelia nodded in understanding, "I'm really thankful…" She trailed off, looking past Arizona and towards the clear sliding doors of her room, "Oh, dear god." She shut her eyes.

Arizona turned around and saw two women standing at the nurse's station. She didn't recognize them, but from mumbling she heard coming from Amelia, she guessed that she knew them in some way.

"Please let me hallucinating. I swear to God if Derek…" She shook her head, "He wouldn't." She looked at Arizona pleadingly, "Please, please, tell me there aren't two, tall, dark-haired women standing at the nurse's station. It's all in my head, isn't it? Better get neuro down here because I must have a brain bleed or something, right?"

Arizona bit her lip and looked over at the nurse's station again, "Um…"

"Oh, god. They're real, aren't they? Not just a nightmare." Amelia groaned.

Arizona was still confused, "Yes, yes, they're real." She admitted, "Who are they?"

Amelia huffed, "They're…my sisters." She answered, "My judgmental, over-bearing, condescending older sisters."

Arizona's eyes widened, "The other Shepherds…" She looked back towards them again. They were both facing the nurse's station, but like Amelia, they had the dark, shiny Shepherd hair. "Which ones are they? I think I've met one before, but I can't remember which."

"Stop staring!" Amelia exclaimed, sitting up slightly, only to let out a slight moan from pain.

Arizona turned back around, "Oh, hey, hey…" She said, helping Amelia settle back in the bed, "Relax, okay? That's the best you can do to reduce the pain."

Amelia leaned back and took in a few deep breaths, "Derek and I have three sisters. First, there's Nancy, the oldest. She's an OBGYN and is obsessed with babies and perfect patterns and dresses and…" She shook her head, "She never hesitates to share her _opinion."_ She paused, "Then there's Lizzie. She's the therapist of the family and she's always the one to address the elephant in the room first. She lives for family drama and pretends like she's the perfect one with no problems of her own...Derek is next, the golden boy, but that's self-explanatory. Katie's after that, the pediatrician. She was the popular one. She was the queen bee of her schools and of our house. She's a straight up bitch and does whatever it takes to get ahead. Appearances and reputations were and are the only things that matter to her…" Amelia sighed, "And I was the youngest, the one who got all the hand-me-downs, the troubled one…the _problem_."

Arizona nodded slowly.

"The two out there are Nancy and Katie." Amelia told her.

Arizona gulped, "So the opinionated OBGYN and the pediatrician who's a straight up bitch. I can see why you're so anxious." She summarized with a smirk, "Look, I'll…I'll get rid of them, at least for a little while. Try and get some rest…" She paused, "Also, we expect the pain to get pretty severe over the next few nights. What you feel right now is not the full amount, the sedative you were on is still wearing off. Over the next few hours, it will get much worse…if at any point, you want to be sedated or receive medication, you can press this button."

She pointed to a small remote with a large button on it, sitting idly on her bedside table.

"And that isn't a relapse, okay? It isn't weakness. Your body may not be able to take the stress of this much pain so if it feels like it's becoming too much, take the medication and if you take it in the amounts prescribed to you, the withdrawal may not be as severe." Arizona told her.

Amelia nodded, "Okay." She replied, "Please get rid of my sisters."

"Oh, don't worry. I'm gonna kill them with so much kindness, they'll be sick." Arizona smiled, squeezed her hand and made her way out of the room and towards the nurse's station where her sisters were.

Amelia watched through the clear doors as Arizona walked up to her sisters, flashed a bright, cheerful smile and extended her hand to them.

Her sisters exchanged a look between them, both obviously confused by Arizona's joyful demeanor. They each shook her hand hesitantly and their discomfort made Amelia feel oddly satisfied.

Arizona started to lead them away from Amelia's room. They each peered in towards her, but Amelia closed her eyes to avoid their stares. When she opened her eyes again, they were gone.

What were they doing here? And why were they together? They had never been too concerned with Amelia and her issues. She imagined what they'd said when Derek had given them the call.

 _Did she overdose again?_

 _We can't come to her side every time she's having_ _ **another**_ _breakdown._

 _Is it the drugs or the alcohol this time?_

 _Mom is going to be so disappointed._

Tears sprung to her eyes without warning. She thought about what Derek would have said next. How he would explain to them what had happened to her, what she'd lost. She wondered how Nancy, the OBGYN, had responded.

Nancy had three healthy children.

Kathleen had four.

And now, Amelia had two dead ones. Two children that would buried in the ground when her siblings, her _perfect_ siblings combined had twelve healthy, amazing children. Each of her sisters had more than one child and Amelia couldn't even have one.

Her siblings were perfect, no, maybe not even perfect. They were normal, happy…just like they'd always been while Amelia was struggling, hurting and wasting away. When they were all younger, Amelia had known that she was part of an extraordinary family.

 _The Shepherds_.

They were known to be attractive, smooth, intelligent, successful…

But Amelia wasn't one of them.

She wasn't smooth like the others. She tripped over her words, said the wrong things, made inappropriate jokes and lashed out at people, trying to hurt them so that she didn't have to get close to anyone. And she wasn't successful. She was a failure, _the_ Shepherd failure.

"Crap." She blinked tears from her eyes, trying to decide which pain was worse – the burning pain in her abdomen and the aching soreness she felt a little bit lower than that, the physical pain or the pain of knowing that she was the family disappointment, knowing that she wasn't good enough or perfect enough to be a _Shepherd_.

Either way, it ached. Her entire body ached with pain and disappointment and loneliness and inadequacy. She writhed in the bed, trying and failing to find a comfortable position. Every now and then, an intern or a resident would come in to check on her.

Once it was Edwards. She didn't say much, just checked her vitals quietly and asked her how she was feeling to which she replied, "Better than I look probably." Which elicited an untimely laugh from Edwards.

Later, it was Wilson. She bothered her with a bunch of annoying questions, which she kind of appreciated because at least if she was irritated, she could forget about the pain for a little bit. She remembered asking how Owen was doing and Wilson gave her the patient, tiptoe answer, "He's stable for now. We're observing him…he isn't out of the woods just yet."

Amelia nodded and ignored Wilson as her pager beeped and she exited the room, saying something about another patient. She watched her go and wondered if it was Owen, if Wilson was being paged to revive Owen. It made her sick to think that. But thinking about seeing him and talking to him, that made her feel sick too. Facing him after what had happened, sharing the news, she wasn't sure she could stomach it.

Taking in a breath, she adjusted her position again, but it did little to help. Her abdomen burned intensely, making her twist and writhe, hoping that she would pass out because she knew merely falling asleep wouldn't be an option.

She closed her eyes and tried to pretend like she was somewhere else, but it didn't work because every time she closed her eyes she would either see the headlights coming towards her or Owen unconscious in the car or the people who'd been killed in the other car or Arizona telling her that her baby had…

Her eyes shot open.

And just in time too. When she looked up, she saw her brother, Meredith and her two sisters outside her room, talking, probably preparing to come in. After a few moments, they all gravitated towards her door.

Derek led the pack. He came in first and stood by her bed with Meredith moving to her other side and her sisters filing in and standing at the foot. "Hey Amy, how are you feeling?" Derek asked her carefully.

Amelia wanted to scream. She wanted to yell and cry and scream about how horrible and awful and devastated she felt. She wanted to tell them to leave. She wanted to be alone. She wanted to skip the small talk and the part where she pretended like she was okay, but she knew she couldn't, "Better." She answered curtly, "I think I'll survive."

Derek smiled a little bit, "Well, I'm sure you've noticed by now, but I called mom and everybody and they were all really concerned." He glanced back at his sisters, "Nancy and Katie were already in California on a trip so they got on plane and flew up here."

Amelia nodded and tried her hardest to offer a genuine smile, but she knew it probably didn't come across, "Thanks for coming…" She said to them, "It really means a lot."

Nancy smiled down at her, "Of course we came. You were in an accident and we had to see if you were alright." She stepped closer, "Plus, we haven't visited you two in a while anyway…" She seemed like she was tiptoeing around her.

Katie nodded, "Yea, when Derek called us on the phone…well, at first we didn't know what to think…"

Amelia tried to stop herself from rolling her eyes. She knew what that meant. She knew they thought she'd been in some kind of drug or alcohol related accident.

"But a car accident? We're just glad to see you're okay. In fact, from what we heard, you were lucky…" Katie said with a small smile.

Amelia nodded slowly, "Yea, I am lucky I guess. It could've been worse."

"And we heard you were in the car with a man?" Nancy asked with a smirk, "A man that Derek told us you've been seeing. Apparently, he's doing a lot better now too. We're glad you've found someone, Amelia…"

"Yea someone who's a doctor, who understands the hours and stress, and isn't a bad influence…" Katie added, "We're really happy for you."

Amelia nodded slowly, shooting a look at Derek.

Nancy continued, "And Derek told us you're the Chief of Neuro here. We couldn't believe it. Our Amy, working over Derek?" She pushed her brother's arm with a laugh, "I never would've guessed."

To her left, Amelia noticed Meredith huff quietly.

"Yea and we hear you've been sober for a while now too?" Katie went on, "Good for you! God, a few months ago, I was so terrified about you and your addiction, but we were so happy to hear you've cleaned yourself up. Maybe mom will finally be able to breathe easy again."

Amelia nodded, "Yea, I've actually been sober for more than a few months, more like years." She informed them, "Not that either of you would have known that."

Nancy sighed as if she'd seen this coming, "We know we lost touch for a little bit, but we're sorry." She glanced back at Katie, like they'd rehearsed this answer, "You were having a hard time and it wasn't like we didn't keep tabs on you. We checked in with Addison every once in a while."

Amelia didn't say anything.

"We were just glad that this time when Derek called us about you, it wasn't drug related. I don't think we could take another scare like that…" Nancy added.

Amelia boiled on the inside, trying her best to keep a cool exterior, " _You_ couldn't take another scare like that?" She smirked.

Katie nodded, "It's hard on the family." She said and when Amelia let out a frustrated laugh, she continued, "It just about kills Mom every time you almost die or you kill your boyfriend or something, don't you get that?" She blurted out suddenly.

Amelia looked up. For a moment, she didn't move, didn't say anything and didn't take her eyes off of Kathleen. Finally, through gritted teeth, "Killed my boyfriend?"

Katie exchanged a look with Nancy, but neither of them said anything.

Amelia shook her head, "I didn't _kill_ my boyfriend. He overdosed, _he_ , himself took the fatal dose that killed him." She said clearly, "Do you know how much therapy and convincing and bargaining and grieving I had to go through to get myself to believe that? Do you know how it feels to have everything thinking that you _killed_ someone, that you delivered the fatal dose to someone, that you were irresponsible and neglectful and are the reason that someone else is gone? I loved that man. I loved him so much and his death was an _accident._ He didn't mean to overdose…he made a mistake and it cost him his life…"

"Amy…" Derek tried.

She shook her head, tears in her eyes, "You know what? You don't even know me at all. You don't get to come here and stand there, pretending like you care about me. You came here because it was an obligation. That's all I am to you, a bothersome _obligation_. So how about this? You're off the hook. Get out. And tell mom and the rest of the family that I went crazy, tell them I'm still the problem, that I'm still falling apart and broken and damaged. Maybe after that all of you will finally just _leave me the hell alone!"_

With wide eyes, Katie and Nancy didn't move.

"You heard her." Meredith finally said, "Get out! Go!" She exclaimed, gesturing towards the door.

Derek shot Meredith a look and then followed his silent, traumatized sisters out of the room.

Amelia looked over at Meredith, "I can't…" She said, breathing quickly, "I can't do this anymore. They don't understand me. They think I killed him. They think he was a bad influence. They think...they think…" Her mind was racing.

"Hey, calm down." Meredith said soothingly, touching Amelia's arm.

But she pulled away, "I can't believe Derek told them to come. I can't believe he thought this would be okay! I've never gotten along with my sisters, ever. That doesn't change. They'll always see me as the failure. They'll always treat me like I'm not enough and that's just…"

"Toxic…" Meredith nodded in understanding.

Amelia looked up, meeting her eyes, "Yea… yea, it's toxic." She took in a few deep breaths to calm herself down. She reached down and tenderly touched the incision on her stomach through her gown. "After everything I've accomplished…you'd think they'd be able to see me, like really _see me,_ but I'll never be good enough for them."

Meredith tried again to take Amelia's hand and when she didn't pull away, she spoke, "You shouldn't have to be." She said reassuringly, "Wanna know what I think?"

Amelia's head spun slightly as the anger and adrenaline wore off and the pain set back in. She nodded at Meredith, trying to focus on her words.

"I think that your sisters are horrible. I've met Nancy once before and I thought she was the worst until I met Katie. They're nice, but the way they scrutinize everything and talk to you like they do, it just gets under my skin." Meredith confessed, "They say you aren't good enough. Who the hell are they to judge? They've never walked in your shoes, they've never suffered the losses and come face to face with the failure and hardships that you have. They think their lives are the standard. It's like their lives are squares, but you're a circle and they can't fit you in."

Meredith paused.

"And that isn't your fault." She added, "It's not your fault that they are inflexible and scrutinizing and small minded. They should be able to stretch and change shapes for you because you're family, but they won't…and that isn't right."

Amelia nodded slowly.

"And that's the reason they'll never get as far as you will. You've seen more than they have, you've lived more and learned more and because of that, you have an open mind." Meredith continued, "Do you know how powerful that is? Your mind runs circles around theirs and you're half their age. The amount possibilities you can achieve with the level of brilliance you have us infinite." She told her, "So don't let them put you in the square hole. You're a circle and that's okay, in fact, it's something to be proud of."

Amelia smiled weakly, looking over at Meredith, "Thank you, Meredith…for what you just said and for yelling at my sisters to get out and for understanding." She said, "God, sometimes I think you and I are more like sisters than me and my actual sisters."

"That's because I am your sister. I'm your family and you're annoying and I'm annoying, but we deal with it and we look out for each other." Meredith asserted, "Okay?"

Amelia nodded slowly, almost confused by the amount of kindness that Meredith was offering to her. She knew her situation had to be bad for her to be this nice to her, but in that moment, it didn't matter because no matter how fleeting it would be, Meredith's kindness was purely genuine, which Amelia appreciated.

"Thanks, Meredith, really thank you…" Amelia squeezed her hand, "Would you mind leaving me alone for a little bit?"

Meredith nodded, "Yea, sure…" She let go of Amelia's hand, "We'll be by to check on you later…"

Amelia nodded, offering a small smile as she watched Meredith leave the room. Once she was alone, she let out a long breath, relieved that no one was going to bother her anymore. She balled her hands into fists as tears wet her eyes. The frustration and the anger and the pain were becoming too much for her. She looked over at the remote on her bedside table.

She quickly looked away, ashamed that she had even thought about it. She knew she couldn't break her sobriety. She had been clean for so long and she didn't want to throw it away. Weighing the tears and pain and suffering of fighting for sobriety against the physical pain she was feeling now, she decided that it wasn't worth it.

Closing her eyes, she tried to relax and drift into sleep.

An hour passed.

She didn't fall asleep.

Painfully awake, each moment passed in agony. She could hear her heart rate slowly beginning to climb, not at an alarming rate, but enough to signify that the pain had begun to take a toll on her body. She glanced at the button again.

She leaned over the side of her bed and lifted the small trashcan up. Her entire body tensed as she emptied the contents of her stomach into the trashcan. Shaking, she set the can down and laid back in the bed.

Another hour passed after that.

By that time, she was holding the remote in her hand. Her thumb danced over the button as she contemplated whether or not to press it. She shook her head, still hesitating, not allowing herself to break.

Another half an hour passed and then she couldn't take it anymore. The fidgeting didn't help, trying to pretend like she was somewhere else didn't help, sleeping didn't help, biofeedback didn't help, nothing helped her control or manage the pain. Nothing allowed her to relax. All she wanted to do was sleep, just close her eyes and be allowed the peace she'd get from that rest.

1,987 days.

That was how long she'd been sober.

It wasn't fair that something this senseless and random had happened and now she had to throw that all away. Back to square one…

Day 0, again.

It wasn't fair. She really didn't want to give up. She really didn't want to fail. She didn't want to fall off the wagon because she knew how hard it was to get back on, but the sleep deprivation and the unrelenting ache were tearing her apart.

She couldn't hold out any longer.

She pressed her thumb down on the button and within the next 10 or 20 minutes, she felt the pain slowly begin to fade.

The familiar feeling of relief came over her as the drug rushed through her veins. She didn't know what kind of drug it was or how much they were giving her, but it had finally let her relax, it finally let her think about something other than the pain.

She closed her eyes and rested her head against her pillow. Within the next few moments, she'd forgotten all about the pain and her sisters and the accident and had drifted off into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.


	4. A Job To Do

Meredith liked working the night shift. After midnight, the hustle and bustle on the patient floors died down. Most of the patients were sleeping and the ORs were quiet, usually filled with ER cases or the surgeries that had run long.

But it was quieter, almost peaceful.

Meredith spent most of her time catching up on charts, getting discharge paperwork done and filtering in and out of the ER when she was needed. Every hour or so, a surgical case might come in that she would operate on, but she was also thankful for the extra time to finish up her paper work or conduct research for her patients or even practice procedures.

Pierce was on the night shift that night too.

They were sitting together in one of the research labs, doing paperwork and talking intermittently as they charted.

Pierce was usually the first to speak, "So where's Derek tonight? On the night shift too? I'd expect he'd have to pick up some slack with Amelia not working for now…"

Meredith shook her head, not looking up from her chart, "Actually, no. He left earlier tonight to take his sisters out to dinner."

Pierce looked up, "Oh, yea, Derek's sisters are in town. I think I saw them earlier outside Amelia's room…how'd she take it? I know she's had some problems with her sisters before…"

Meredith took in a breath, "Not well." She said with a sigh, "Her sisters are kind of…they're kind of horrible." She smirked a little bit, "Nancy, his older sister is cordial and I think she'd be okay, but his younger sister Kathleen, she's so judgmental and the two of them together are really…too much."

"Bet you're happy to have this night shift then."

Meredith nodded, rolling her eyes, "You have no idea." She said with a small smile, "Oh, I meant to ask earlier…how has Owen been holding up?" She asked.

Pierce scribbled something on her chart and then looked up, "Um, he's been pretty stable since the surgery. His respirations are good, he has even breath sounds and it looks like Kepner repaired the internal damage. He's been pretty sedated. We woke him up once to check his brain function and he responded well, a little bit slower than we'd hoped, but Derek seems to think when we tone down the sedation and he wakes up on his own, he'll be okay."

Meredith nodded, "Good." She responded.

Before Pierce could say anything else, her phone beeped. She pulled it out of her pocket, "Speak of the devil...Edwards just paged. Owen is awake." She grabbed her charts and stood up.

Meredith stood too, "Mine if I come? I want to see how he's doing."

"Not at all." Pierce replied, "Let's go."

They walked up the stairs to the ICU. When they got to Owen's room, Edwards was already inside, performing a neural exam on him. He was awake, talking and looked to be pretty responsive.

He looked over at the door when Pierce and Meredith entered.

"Dr. Hunt." Pierce greeted, walking to his bedside, "How are you feeling?"

Owen gave a small shrug, "I feel alright." He said with a small smile, "I can finally breathe and…move, it feels really good." He said, sounding relieved.

Piece nodded with a smile, "Good, well, we were able to repair most of your injuries. Your hip might cause you some pain going forward, but Torres said she expects a full recovery." She reported.

Edwards finished her neural exam, giving a positive nod to Meredith and Pierce. And then she moved on to checking the reflexes in his right leg, which may have suffered damage due to the hip dislocation.

Meanwhile, Pierce listened to his breathing and checking his abdomen. "Everything looks good, Hunt. Your recovery seems to be going really well."

Meredith moved past Edwards to stand at the other side of Owen's bed.

Owen looked over at her, "Meredith." He greeted.

"Hey, Owen. I'm not on your case. I just wanted to come by and see how you were doing." She smiled down at him.

Owen nodded, "Well, according to Dr. Pierce, I'm doing pretty well." His smile faded, "How's Amelia?" He asked her, knowing that she was Meredith's patient. He read her expression carefully.

Meredith had been expecting him to ask about her, "Amelia's surgery went smoothly. She had some damage to her liver that we're monitoring now, but we don't expect any complications." She told him, "Robbins told me she's been asking about you too…" She smiled.

Owen didn't reply. His gaze dropped to his hands.

"Owen?" Meredith asked, "Are you okay?"

He shook his head, taking in a breath, "Yea, it's just…we were arguing in the car. I picked a fight and we were arguing and it was raining and I was paying attention, but… maybe if we hadn't been yelling I might have been able to swerve out of the way…" He said, "And none of this would have happened."

Meredith shook her head, "This wasn't your fault." She told him, "The road was wet. The guy in the other car couldn't stop, that's what he told us. It's no one's fault." She tried, but he didn't look convinced, "Amelia doesn't blame you, Owen, I know that."

He sighed and looked up, "Maybe she doesn't…but I do."

"Accidents happen." Pierce chimed in, "And blaming yourself for something random is just going to make the experience even more painful for the both of you." She paused, "Let yourself off the hook…"

Owen took in a deep breath, "You're right." He said with a nod.

"Well, the reflexes in your leg look good, Dr. Hunt. It doesn't look like the hip dislocation has caused any nerve damage." Edwards gave him a small nod before walking out of the room.

Meredith smiled a little bit, "Yea, in other news, two of Derek and Amelia's sisters are in town to visit and I wouldn't be surprised if they came to visit you sometime soon." She said with a smirk, "Derek told them that you and Amelia were involved…"

Owen gulped, "Oh god, Amelia's told me a few stories about her sisters…" He trailed off, "From what I've heard they're…"

Meredith nodded, "I've heard the stories too." She smiled a little bit, "And that's why I wouldn't put it past them to pay you a visit at some point." Her phone beeped and she reached into her pocket to check it.

Owen laughed lightly, "Great…" He said sarcastically.

"You could always pretend to be asleep." Pierce joked lightly as she quickly scribbled down some of his progress on his chart.

Meredith looked down at her phone.

 _Room 314 – 911_

Room 314.

That was Amelia's room.

Meredith's face paled.

Owen smirked, "Yea that's always an option." He sighed, "I mean, I'm going to have to meet them eventually. They're Amelia's family…I might just have to bite my tongue and charm them." He smiled.

Pierce chuckled, "Oh, so you're going to turn the charm on?"

"I have to go." Meredith said suddenly, voice uneven. She glanced at Owen and then at Pierce before rushing out of the room. She started running once she was out of their view, but as she threw the doorway open to the stairs, she heard someone else come in behind her.

"Mer, is it Amelia?" It was Pierce.

Meredith didn't stop running as she made her way down the stairs to the other patient floors, "Yea, 911." She called up to her as she made it to another door, pushed it open and continued running towards Amelia's room.

When she got there, Wilson was already there waiting.

Meredith looked at the heart rate monitor which was beeping quickly. She observed that Amelia's heart rate was much too elevated, along with her respiratory rate while her blood pressure was dangerously low. She looked down at Amelia, who was sweating profusely and breathing heavily into an oxygen mask, eyes wide.

"Her temperature is 103." Wilson reported, "Elevated heart rate, low BP. I thought it was sepsis so I pushed antibiotics, but there hasn't been any improvement yet." She reported to Meredith.

Meredith nodded slowly, "Did you check the incision site?" She asked, but before Wilson could reply, she lifted Amelia's gown and exposed her stomach. The tissue surrounding the site of the wound that they'd stitched up was a deep red and the stitches themselves were yellowing.

"I hadn't gotten to it yet…" Wilson trailed off as she saw the wound.

"Who checked on her earlier?!" Meredith asked, shaking her head, "The wound is infected, probably because of the damage to her liver." She looked at Wilson, "You were right about the sepsis, but it's much more progressed. Probably early septic shock…" She said, "Call the OR, tell them we're coming up, we need to remove this infected tissue."

Wilson rushed out the door.

"And get me the intern that rounded on her!"

Meredith looked down at Amelia, who looked terrified. She took her hand as one of the nurses helped her roll her bed out of the room, "You're gonna be okay." She reassured.

On the way to the OR, they turned around a corner and saw Derek and his two sisters walking down the hall. When they looked up and saw their younger sister gasping for air under an oxygen mask, their eyes widened.

Derek rushed up to Meredith, matching her pace as she rolled the bed down the hall, "What happened?" He asked, his sisters both looking at her too for an explanation.

Meredith didn't slow down, "Septic shock. The wound we stitched up got infected. I'm taking her to the OR to remove the infected tissue. I paged Bailey and I have Wilson to assist too." She reported to them, "We're gonna take good care of her."

They approached the OR doors.

"Amelia." Derek took his sister's hand, "Meredith's gonna take good care of you…and I'm gonna be waiting for you when you're done, okay? You're gonna be fine."

Nancy was on the other side of her bed. She touched her sister's arm too, "We're so sorry." She glanced at Katie, "We're so sorry for everything. We love you and we never meant to hurt you and…we can't lose you, okay?"

Katie nodded, "Yea, we're overbearing and annoying and everything, but we do care about you. I promise we do." She told her.

Amelia pulled off her oxygen mask and she reached out to take her sister Nancy's hand, "I…know..." She said softly with a nod, gripping her sister's hand tightly.

"Don't you worry, okay?" Nancy glanced up at Derek, "You're in good hands."

Amelia nodded, but still looked scared. She held her siblings hands until they reached the OR doors and they were forced to let go.

Meredith gave Derek a nod before wheeling Amelia away and then into an OR where they prepped her for surgery. Just as they were putting her under and Meredith was going to leave and scrub in, Amelia grabbed her arm.

"Don't kill me, alright?" Amelia said with a weak laugh.

Meredith tried to laugh, "I'm not going to kill you." She promised, holding Amelia's hand as the anesthesiologist started to put her under. Once her hand relaxed and her eyes closed, Meredith let go and walked out to scrub in.

Wilson was already scrubbing in when she walked into the scrub room. As Meredith turned the faucet on, Wilson spoke, "I found the intern who had checked on Dr. Shepherd. He said that he checked the incision site and wrote down in the chart that it was warm and tender, but it didn't not seem severe. It must have progressed severely just in the past few hours when she was sleeping…"

Meredith nodded slowly, looking into the OR.

"Dr. Grey." Wilson tried and when she didn't reply, she repeated it, "Dr. Grey, are you alright?" She asked, observing Meredith's demeanor.

Meredith took in a deep breath, "I'm operating on Derek's little sister. I'm operating on the girl, who, before I came along, was the most important girl in his life. I'm supposed to save her. I'm supposed to be the surgeon that saves her and avoids all the pain and heartbreak that would come if she died. I'm supposed to be perfect."

Wilson gulped.

"And I can be…" Meredith continued, "Perfect. I can be perfect. I've done surgeries like this before and I've saved patients like her before. I can be perfect here and save her, but…my hands won't stop shaking."

She looked over at Wilson, "Why can't I get my hands to stop shaking?"

Wilson stopped scrubbing and walked over to Meredith. She grabbed her by the shoulders, pulled her away from the sink and turned her around so that she couldn't see into the OR.

"Wilson." She protested half-heartedly.

But she didn't stop, "I know you don't like me very much, but right now, I am your right hand man. We're in this together, okay? So pretend for one second that you actually like me so I can help you."

"I do like you." Meredith said softly.

"Shut up." Wilson said harshly as she grabbed Meredith's shaking hands in hers, "Now, listen to me. Close your eyes."

Meredith looked skeptic.

"Just do it already." Wilson ordered and Meredith, taken aback by her demands, closed her eyes, "Okay, now, this is not Derek's little sister. This is not Amelia Shepherd. This is a random patient from the ER. This is a 60 year old woman with a hopeful husband in the waiting room, a 35 year old woman who just got promoted to a partner at her law firm, it is a 15 year old girl who wanted to try out for the swim team in a few months…" She listed, "With every patient, there's going to be risks and pressure, but your hands don't shake then and why don't they?"

Meredith took in a deep breath, "Because we're confident."

Wilson nodded, gripping her hands tightly, "Because we're confident, because we're prepared… _because we have a job to do._ It's no different now. We have a job to do, Dr. Grey." She let go of her hands.

They weren't shaking anymore.

Meredith opened her eyes and stared at Wilson for a few moments before nodding, "Let's get it done." She said shortly before turning back to the sink, scrubbing her hands clean and entering the OR.

Wilson followed shortly afterwards and they began the surgery. About 10 minutes in, Bailey joined them for an extra set of hands while Derek and his two sisters watched from the gallery.

A few floors up in the ICU, Pierce was checking on Owen one more time. His vitals looks stable again, which was a good sign. He was getting stronger and recovering from the surgery well. She spoke a few polite words to him and then turned to leave.

"It was Amelia, wasn't it?" He asked suddenly when she was in the doorway.

Pierce stopped.

Owen went on, "When Meredith got paged and ran out and then you followed her…it was Amelia." He said it firmly, not questioningly, "What happened?"

Pierce took in a breath and turned around, re-entering the room and walking over to his bedside, "Meredith was paged to Amelia's room, yes, it was a 911." She watched Owen's face pale, "When she got there, she and Wilson discovered that Amelia had gone into septic shock. She's in surgery now. They're trying to remove the infected tissue. It's been a few hours and I haven't gotten any other updates."

Owen closed his eyes, shaking his head, "Damn it." He breathed. He opened his eyes a few moments later, a tear sliding down his cheek as he did. He looked up at Pierce, "You know…you never think you're not gonna get another chance to talk to someone."

"Owen…"

Owen didn't hear her, "You never think you're not going to have more time. So you stall, you fight or you wait to say what you want to say and then…all of a sudden you run out of time and you never said it…I'm sorry, I want to be with you, you're my best friend, you're beautiful, I love you…I can't live without you."

Pierce tried to keep herself from tearing up.

"I never told her that." Owen said, shaking his head, "I never told her and no matter how much you say that she knows, she doesn't. She doesn't know and god, now she never will." She ran his hands through his hair.

Pierce took his hand, "It's not over yet." She said firmly, "You _will_ get a chance to tell her that. You will." She promised.

Owen wiped the tears from his face and looked over at her, wanting her to be right, but knowing that the most toxic thing for him to do right now was get his hopes up.


	5. Perfect

_They slowly rolled up to her house. She looked at the small lit up clock in the car. It was 1:51 in the morning. She knew most of her family members would be asleep. Two of her sisters and her brother were all home from college for the summer. She turned to the guy driving the car, "Thanks for the ride home." She leaned over and gave him a deep kiss on the lips._

 _The guy gave a nod, "Can you make it to the door?"_

 _Amelia laughed, "Maybe…if I take my heels off." She smiled at him, "See you guys next weekend?"_

 _They nodded and she pushed the car door open and got out. She wobbled slightly as she got out of the car, her vision blurred and her balance questionable. Slipping her heels off, she leaned over and picked them up. She took a few more steps and heard the car behind her drive away._

 _Slowly, she made her way around the house to the back door. She thought that would make the least commotion, plus, it was the closest to the back stairs, which would lead directly to her room. If anyone was awake, she might be able to slip by unnoticed if they weren't in the kitchen or dining room._

 _She tip toed up the porch stairs as quietly as she could. Pulling her house key out of her purse, she carefully unlocked the back door. Peering in, she didn't see any lights on, which was a relief. She entered the house with a few creaks and shut the door, locking it behind her._

 _It was pitch black in the house, which made it extremely hard to navigate to the stairs she needed to get to. Trying to make her way blindly towards the stairs, she hit her knee hard on the table, causing her to double over in pain, but not before a cup that had been sitting on top of the table fell over, rolled and then fell to the floor with a loud clunk._

 _She told herself that no one had heard that and continued towards the stairs. She heard a noise and froze, listening. A few more thumps later, she realized someone was coming down the other set of stairs at the front of the house._

 _Frantically, she rushed towards the back stairs, arms out, feeling her way around._

 _She had just reached the bottom stair when she heard the footsteps reach the first floor and walk towards the kitchen, "Who's there?"_

 _It was her mother._

 _She cursed in her head and started to make her way up the stairs, quickly and quietly, but only a few steps up, the lights turned on, burning her eyes. She stopped, eyes closed, and leaned against the wall, temporarily blinded._

 _"Amelia?"_

 _Amelia stopped, "Crap." She whispered to herself._

 _"Amelia?" She asked again, expectantly._

 _Amelia slowly turned around to face her mother, who was standing in the middle of the kitchen, hands on her hips, obviously waiting for some kind of explanation. Disoriented, all she could come up with was, "I came down for a midnight snack."_

 _Her mom raised her eyebrows, obviously surprised with that answer, "You're holding heels in your hand." She pointed out._

 _Amelia looked down and let out a nervous laugh, having completely forgotten that she'd been holding them, "Well, I guess that kind of invalidates that story, doesn't it?" She offered a small smile, "I could give you another lie if you'd like? How about…I was a study session that ran late? Or…my friend slipped and ended up in the hospital and I had to stay with him…or…"_

 _"Why don't we just skip all of that to the part where you just tell me the truth?" She asked, taking a seat at one of the kitchen table chairs, "Come on down here."_

 _Amelia cursed again. Gripping her heels, she concentrated as she made her way down the stairs, trying her best to walk steadily. Out of the corner of her eye, as she walked down, she saw her mom stand up from her chair._

 _When she got to the bottom, her mom was standing there waiting. She walked up to Amelia, arms crossed and sniffed, "Are you drunk?"_

 _Amelia didn't reply._

 _Her mother reached out and grabbed Amelia's wrist firmly, pulling her over to the kitchen table and sitting her down in one of the chairs before sitting down across from her, "Where have you been?"_

 _Amelia sighed, knowing that there was no point in lying anymore, "I was at a party and…there was drinking…" She avoided her mother's gaze._

 _Her mother sighed with disappointment, but didn't seem surprised, "How did you get home?"_

 _"A friend drove me home. He was completely sober…if that's any consolation." Amelia tried, fidgeting slightly in her seat._

 _Her mom shook her head, "It isn't." She took in a deep breath, "You have four older siblings. I've seen my share of drunken disasters, irresponsible partying and trying to sneak into the house in the middle of the night, but for them it was just a phase." She told her, "You've been pulling crap like this for two years, Amelia. And you're only 17."_

 _"Almost 18."_

 _"Stop talking." Her mother countered, "I know things have been difficult lately and the house has been quiet without all of your siblings around, but that's no excuse to act out for attention."_

 _Amelia let out a light laugh._

 _Her mother looked up, irritated, "Something funny?"_

 _Amelia laughed again, leaning forward and hitting her hand on the table for effect, "Just the part where you think that I'm doing any of this for attention from you." She shook her head, "Trust me, the last thing I want is to have these kinds of conversations."_

 _"Then what is it? You act out in school, you party on the weekends, you come home late, you come home drunk or high or with a random boy that I've never seen before…you're out of control!" She argued, "What could possibly be the reason for this kind of behavior?"_

 _Amelia sighed and stood up, "I don't want to talk about this." She started going for the stairs again, hoping maybe her mom would just let her go._

 _"Amelia, sit down." Her mother stood up from her chair, "You better sit down right now or so help me God…" Her voice was heavy with irritation and controlled rage._

 _Amelia turned slowly on the heels of her feet, walked back over to the table and sat down, "Fine. You want to have this conversation? Let's have it." She paused, "You wanna know why I act out in school? How about because of the Shepherd reputation? I walk into a classroom and the teacher automatically expects a Nancy or a Lizzie or a Derek and then there's me and I'm not a Nancy or a Lizzie or a Derek, but they don't see that. So the only way for me to show them that I'm not just another freakin' Shepherd is to act out." She said, her voice raising, "Wanna know why I party on the weekends? Because every single day of my life I feel like I'm suffocating, like there's thousands and thousands of pounds of pressure to be great and smart and pretty on my shoulders that the only time I feel like I can...breathe is when I forget everything."_

 _She stood up from her chair, putting both hands on the table, her voice practically at a yell now, "Wanna know why I'm out of control?!" Tears welled up in her eyes, "Because holding everything together, forcing down my feelings, saying the right thing…being_ _ **perfect**_ _, it isn't possible for me!" She yelled, breathing heavily by the time she'd finished._

 _Her mother stared at her, looking like she was processing what her daughter had just said._

 _"Mom?"_

 _It was Katie._

 _"Amelia, why are you yelling at mom?" She accused._

 _Amelia whipped around, tears running down her cheeks, ready to let loose on her sister, but before she could, her mother spoke._

 _"Kathleen, go upstairs." She said calmly, "Now."_

 _Katie looked at Amelia apprehensively and then turned slowly, walking back up the stairs._

 _Amelia was breathing heavily, trying to calm herself down. Slowly, she turned around to face her mother again, who hadn't moved and was staring over at her coolly._

 _"Sit down, Amelia."_

 _Amelia sunk back into her chair, wiping the tears from her face._

 _Her mother looked up at her, "When Nancy was 18, I got a call from the police. She and a group of her friends had been caught drinking behind their high school and vandalizing the bleachers of their football stadium. The only reason she didn't get arrested was because the paint they were using could be washed off so the police officers just made them wash it off." She paused, "Before we moved here, at Katie's old high school, she got caught her attempting to cheat on a standardized test with notes taped under desk. They threw out her score and made her re-take it. The only reason she didn't get expelled was because they caught her before they handed out the test."_

 _Amelia raised her eyebrows._

 _"I don't remember how old Lizzie was, but you were just a baby and I caught her with a bong smoking under the front porch." Her mother shook her head with a small laugh, "And Derek and Mark both got in trouble for fighting at school. Derek broke his nose and Mark broke his hand accidentally punching a wall."_

 _Amelia cracked a smile._

 _"The point I'm trying to make is…none of us are perfect." Her mom told her, reaching out and taking her hands, "God, most days I struggle to hold myself together. And sometimes I fail and that's okay…" She shook her head, "No one's asking you to be perfect or hold it together all the time. Your imperfections are what make you the intelligent, spontaneous and funny young lady that you are." She told her, squeezing her hands, "None of us other Shepherds have the guts to say the things you say. You're brave and fun and…you're perfect to me."_

 _Amelia smiled at her, "Thanks, mom…" She stood up and walked around the table to embrace her._

 _"You smell like beer." Her mom whispered._

 _Amelia tried not to laugh because she knew it wasn't funny, but she let out a few chuckles anyway, "At least I wasn't drinking behind the high school…" She tried as she pulled away from the hug._

 _Her mom laughed, "You better not tell your siblings I told you any of that."_

 _"Really? Come on…" Amelia protested, "I can't even tease Mark about the hand thing?" She smirked._

 _Her mom smiled, "Okay, fine…but just that one." She said, standing up, "Now, go on upstairs and get some sleep."_

 _Amelia made her way towards the stairs slowly. If she hadn't been drunk, she probably wouldn't have asked, but she was curious, "You aren't going to punish me?" She asked, her foot on the first step._

 _Her mom smirked, "Not tonight. But tomorrow, when I wake you up at nine in the morning and make you do yard work with me…you're never gonna have a drink again." She said with a laugh as she turned the kitchen light off._

 _Amelia, smiling in the darkness, turned and made her way up the stairs to her room._

Amelia wasn't sure when she had started to wake up, but she was beginning to regain consciousness. She could feel her hands and feet. She wiggled her toes and fingers slightly just because she could.

"Amelia?" She heard.

It sounded like Meredith's voice.

She felt something in her throat, but she wasn't sure what it was. She couldn't swallow easily and she couldn't really move her tongue or mouth either. Slowly and apprehensively, she opened her eyes, bracing for the light.

It blinded for a few moments, but then the people surrounding her bed started to fade in. She saw Edwards and Derek on her left side and Meredith on her right. She tried to speak, but couldn't.

"Don't try to talk." Meredith told her, "You're intubated right now. There's been a machine helping you breathe because you've been pretty weak after your surgery. We just needed to wake you up to assess your neuro function." She nodded to Edwards.

"Follow the light, please." Edwards said quietly, shining the light in Amelia's eyes. She tried her best to follow it.

 _She's going too quickly,_ Amelia thought. _I have to tell her to slow down after all this…or maybe she's nervous. Derek is probably watching her like a hawk._

"Can you squeeze my hands as hard as you can?" She felt Edwards' hands in hers and she squeezed, "Good."

Edwards tucked the light back into her pocket, "Alright, I'm just going to ask you a few questions, Amelia. Are you feeling any pain?" She paused, "Blink once for yes, twice for no."

Amelia blinked once.

 _God, the pain…I don't think one single blink shows how much it hurts…_ She thought, feeling the tenderness in her stomach and the pounding in her head.

Edwards nodded, "Okay." She reached backwards and pulled Derek forward.

Amelia blinked a few times, her eyes dry. She felt like the lights were too bright again, her eyes watered slightly.

"Do you remember who this is?"

Amelia blinked once.

Derek stepped forward, "The surgery went well, Amelia. You just need a few more days to recover before we can take you off the ventilator. It's helping you heal right now." He squeezed her hand, "We're all here for you."

Meredith nodded, "We're going to put you under again, okay? You won't feel any more pain." She told her.

Amelia gave a small nod and watched as a nurse put something into her IV. A few moments passed and then the outer edges of her vision started to blacken. She turned and looked over at her brother, who smiled down at her, the feeling of his hand in hers the last thing she felt before she blacked out again.

It was impossible for Amelia to know how long she was out. She didn't feel anything, she didn't dream, it was just blackness. Until she began hearing voices again. She heard people talking around her bed, but she couldn't make out who it was. As she woke, she began opening her eyes. Thankfully, the lights were dimmed, making it much easier for her eyes to adjust.

The first person she saw was Derek. Standing there, smiling just like he had the last time she'd been awake. She turned her head and saw Meredith and her sister, Nancy standing on the other side.

Amelia was hesitant to speak until she realized that the tube in her mouth was gone. She was breathing on her own and that meant she could talk. She looked over at her brother, "How many days?" She asked hoarsely.

Meredith reached over and picked up a cup of water, extending the straw to Amelia so that she could drink.

Derek nodded, "It's been a week and half, almost two weeks actually." He informed her gently.

Amelia was surprised by that, "Two weeks?" She raised her eyebrows, "It feels like I…blinked, but two weeks have gone by?" She asked, shocked. She couldn't believe that it had been so long.

Derek smiled a little bit, "Yes, well, it's been two weeks since we woke you up the first time. And that was three days after your surgery so, in total, it's been 16 days." He told her, "But aside from that, we do have some good news for you."

Meredith nodded, "Yes, turns out, it wasn't septic shock. It was a severe sepsis, but compared to the organ damage and even failure associated with septic shock, we were glad to find that most of your organs were functioning properly, your body was just ravaged by a nasty infection." She told her, "We still had to operate and remove an abcess in your abdomen, but it went smoothly and we were also able to replace the infected stitches on your stomach as well."

"But your body was weak. Your blood pressure was low and your heart was straining to pump blood to the organs so we decided to deeply sedate you so that your body could have time to heal with a ventilator breathing for you." Derek explained, "Meanwhile, we treated your infection with antibiotics. We've been monitoring your blood and in the past week, the numbers have been climbing back to normal. Your body and heart were stronger so we took you off the vent and lessened your sedation."

"And here we are." Meredith smiled down at her.

Amelia nodded slowly, "Wow." She shook her head, looking at Meredith, "Wow, thank you…" She said appreciatively, "You didn't kill me." She sounded surprised, looking down at her hands, "I feel strange…" She smiled.

"You are still on pain medication and you will be for a few more weeks as your body continues to heal." Meredith explained, "So that strange feeling…it's the drugs."

Amelia's smile faded, "Oh."

"We wanted to honor your wishes…" Meredith told her, "But we think the strain that kind of stress would put on your body would compromise the healing process…" She sighed, "I'm so sorry."

Amelia nodded slowly, "I understand." She said, "It's okay." She looked up at her sister, who was standing behind Meredith, "You're still here." She observed, surprised by that too.

Nancy nodded and chuckled lightly, "Yea, we're still here. Katie just went back to the hotel to get some sleep. We're staying in the extra rooms at Meredith's mother's house. We…we wanted to be here when you woke up."

"What about your vacation?"

Nancy shook her head, "Malibu will always be there." She winked, "Hey, maybe next time you can come with us." She suggested, eyebrows raised, "And you can bring your new boyfriend too…"

Amelia looked up, "He's not my…" She stopped herself and turned to Meredith, "How is he? How's Owen?" She asked.

Meredith smiled, "Practically driving himself crazy worrying about you." She answered, rolling her eyes, "He's in good shape. It's been a couple weeks and his internal injuries are healing pretty well. He's tied to his bed though because of the hip dislocation."

Nancy joined in, "Katie and I went to see him a few days ago." She smiled, "He seems like quite a catch, Amy. You've picked yourself a good one. He told us all about his time in the army and his drive to save lives…" She shook her head, "But he is a red-head…"

"Nancy!" Derek scolded.

Nancy laughed, "I'm joking." She paused, "He's very attractive...big hands…" She looked at Amelia suggestively, who let out a light laugh.

Derek shifted uncomfortably, "Anyway…" He segwayed casually, "We have something else we need to tell you…" He trailed off, glancing at Nancy and Meredith nervously, looking like he hoped one of them would pick it up from there.

Nancy shook her head and gestured towards him, mouthing 'Go for it' silently.

Derek sighed, "When you were out, Nancy, Katie and I called Mom and well, she was more than concerned so she decided to fly out here." Before Amelia could ask any question, he held up a hand to silence her, and continued, "And when Lizzie heard that everyone was here, she flew out too."

Amelia shook her head, "So what you're telling me is that everyone is here? Literally all of our siblings are in this hospital."

"Well, not Katie, she went home to get some sleep." Nancy corrected, "But yes, Lizzie and Mom are both here. Dr. Webber volunteered to give them a quick tour around the hospital two hours ago. I guess it wasn't very quick…" She smirked.

Amelia nodded slowly, "They've met Owen too…haven't they?" She asked hesitantly, though she predicted the answer.

Nancy nodded, "Yes. They met him the other day. He was very polite to Mom and she loved him, said he was very sweet. In fact, I think she may have been the one who mentioned the hand thing…" She told her.

Amelia put a hand over her mouth, watching as Derek's face reddened and Meredith laughed lightly, "Wow, okay then. Everyone has met my…not boyfriend already. I guess that's a good thing?" She said questioningly.

Nancy gave a small shrug.

Behind her, Amelia saw a few people approach the nurse's station. One of them was Dr. Webber, "Looks like they're back from their tour…" She commented as the figures turned around. One of them was her mother, grey-haired and smiling brightly and the other was her sister, Lizzie. Her hair was short and straight now, Amelia observed and she looked like she'd lost some weight. The door to her room opened and the two of them entered.

Her mother pushed past Derek, going right up to Amelia and taking her hand, "You're awake." She observed, tears in her eyes, "You're awake, oh my sweet girl, I was so worried…" She leaned over and hugged Amelia.

Amelia wrapped her arms around her mother, struggling to remember the last time they'd embraced like this, "I can't believe you all came, all of you…" She looked over at Lizzie in disbelief.

"We wanted to come when we heard what had happened." Lizzie said with a smile, moving slowly past Meredith and Nancy to get closer, "I haven't seen you in a long time. God, I guess that's what happens when we live a whole country away, huh?" She hugged her quickly in greeting.

Amelia smiled. "You know, you guys didn't have to come all this way."

"Of course we did." Her mom refuted, "You were in an accident and went through something traumatic. We want to be here for you…" She said, "We heard about what happened…" She glanced at Lizzie apprehensively, "We heard about your baby and…Amelia, we're so sorry…"

Amelia's smiled faded instantly. She dropped her gaze to the bottom of her bed, hanging on her mother's words.

The baby.

She'd forgotten about the baby. With all the chaos and the surgery, for the few minutes she'd been awake, she'd forgotten about the baby.

It all flooded back so suddenly.

Arizona performing an ultrasound and then telling her that she'd lost her child. Derek holding her as she mourned the loss of her second child. The pain she'd felt in her abdomen after the surgery, knowing that her baby was gone again.

Another child, an innocent child who never got a chance to think or dream or live was gone. Another sweet little baby that she would never get to raise or love.

And she'd forgotten.

How could she forget about the heartbreak and gut-wrenching pain she'd felt when she realized her baby was gone? How could she forget that her child, the one she was supposed to protect, had died? How could she forget that she would miss out on motherhood again?

She didn't even realize she'd started crying.

She barely heard the people in her room trying to get her attention. Faintly, she heard people gently saying her name, trying to comfort her, but louder she heard other voices.

 _I'm…I'm afraid your baby is anencephalic. He has no frontal lobe…I'm so sorry._

 _Amelia, I mean there are no words to describe how awful and unfair this is to you._

 _If you want to just hold your boy for as long as he has, we'll do that._

Everything flashed before her eyes again. She remembered everything she'd felt and said.

 _I was a recovering addict carrying the brainless baby of her boyfriend who overdosed, so don't even for a second suggest that I can't compartmentalize. It's the only way I survive._

 _If I were high, I would be able to breathe, to forget. I'm not high. An orgasm would help me…it would help me for a minute. I need a minute. If I am gonna keep carrying this baby and give birth to him, I need an escape. I need a minute to forget._

 _It's stupid and it's weak, but I can't help it, and if I start crying…I want to be strong. I want to be strong and I want to get through this and I don't want to feel too much._

 _A baby without a frontal lobe can't cry. I saw one once when I was an intern. They make this kind of squeaking noise…brainless babies squeak. I mean, it's the only way you can describe the noise they make, but I mean, you'd think that it would be awful, but actually, it's kinda…life will out, you know?_

 _You're gonna say it's because, technically, a child with a working brain stem can't be declared brain dead even though he'll never walk or talk or move or eat, even though he's missing the parts of his brain that he needs to have a life. Not just be alive, but have a life…to love, to think, to know words and feelings, to be conscious._

She remembered giving birth to him and holding the tiny little baby in her arms, knowing that he had no frontal lobe, knowing that he would never live a normal life with her and hearing him make the squeaking noise that she would never, ever forget.

She remembered leaning down to him.

 _Your father's waiting for you. His name is Ryan, and he's waiting for you…so you won't be lonely._

She remembered everything from the first time. Every single heart-wrenching, nauseating moment that would be etched into her memory forever. And these experiences, this accident, it would never leave her either.

She'd always believed in something, maybe a God, maybe some other benevolent force…something bigger than all of them. But being a neurosurgeon, giving birth to a brainless and then losing a baby she didn't even know existed…how could a God be so cruel? Other people got pregnant on their first try, started families, met the love of their life easily and got to get married, but it seemed like Amelia's life veered off course any time she got close to a happy ending.

Why did this happen to her?

Why did it happen to anyone?

"Amelia." Someone touched her.

She turned quickly to her right, locking eyes with her sister, Lizzie, who had just grabbed her shoulder, "Are you alright?" She asked and everyone in her room looked concerned.

Amelia felt tears running down her face and looked down at her hands, which were clenched in fists. Slowly, she relaxed them and feeling a slight sting, she turned her palms over to reveal that they were bleeding slightly. It was nothing serious. It looked like she'd dug her nails into her palms while her fists were clenched.

"Amelia, are you okay?" Someone else asked.

But Amelia couldn't find words. She couldn't form a sentence, she couldn't calmly convey her grief or explain what she was feeling. Instead, she buried her head in her hands and finally let herself sob. She felt her body shaking and knew that the blood from her hands was probably getting on her face, but she didn't care.

"Okay, everybody out." Meredith's voice said forcefully, "Derek, you too. Get out, all of you."

"I'm a psychiatrist. I might be able to help…" Lizzie offered.

But Meredith didn't consider it, "No, please, everyone out now." She forced.

Amelia heard the door to her room open and close and then she heard Meredith pull the curtains closed to block anyone from being able to see her through the clear door.

Amelia continued sobbing, trying to breathe and calm herself down.

After a few moments, Meredith finally spoke, "Amelia, let me see your hands."

Amelia didn't move her hands. She'd calmed considerably by then, her sobs not as violent as before. The tears were silent now, but she didn't want to face the light or face Meredith.

"Amelia, please." She tried.

Amelia sniffed and then slowly, pulled her hands away from her face, extending them towards Meredith. She could tell there was blood on her face from the look that Meredith had on her face when Amelia pulled her hands away.

Meredith cleaned the wounds carefully as Amelia silently continued crying. Neither of them spoke, just sat in silence together. She had to clean the small cuts slowly because Amelia's hands were shaking, making it difficult to maneuver.

By the time Meredith was actually wrapping her hands, Amelia was only blinking a few stray tears from her eyes and the shaking had improved. When Meredith finished and then reached up and cleaned the blood off of her face, Amelia mumbled a quiet thank you.

Meredith nodded and sat down in the chair by Amelia's bed silently for a few moments before finally speaking, "Derek and I really wanted babies right after we got married. And I did get pregnant once right when we started trying and…the day I found out, I was working, but I was still ecstatic. I wanted to tell Derek, but then…a shooter opened fire in the hospital." She said, trying to control her emotion, "He shot Derek and Cristina had to operate on him and…while she was saving him the shooter came in and tried to get her to stop. So…I went in and, desperate to save Derek, begged the shooter to kill me instead."

Amelia stared at her. Her brother had never told her the whole story before.

Meredith nodded and continued, "The man wanted Derek to die. He wanted Cristina to stop operating…so she did. And Derek died. He flat-lined for a long time and the shooter was satisfied and left. Meanwhile, I was devastated on the floor crying incessantly. After he left, I came to find out that Cristina and Jackson had just unplugged Derek's wires temporarily and when they re-attached him, he was still alive. But the stress had already been too much." She said, "I had a miscarriage a few minutes later."

"I'm so sorry…" Amelia said quietly.

Meredith shook her head, "Don't be sorry for me. Just know that I know what you're feeling and you aren't alone. If you ever want to talk to someone who knows what it's like…I'm around, okay?" She told her as she stood up and turned to leave, picking up some case files on her way out.

"Wait, Meredith." Amelia said when Meredith got to the doorway, "Will you sit with me? I…don't want to be alone."

Meredith nodded and re-entered the room, taking her seat at Amelia's bedside, "I was just reading through some of these case files about 3D printed veins and organs…" She told her.

Amelia smiled a little bit, "Oh, fill me in. I don't want to lose my touch."

Meredith smirked and started flipping through the files, "You know what? I think there's a neuro case in here somewhere." She looked up at Amelia with a smile when she found it and pulled it out, "Here it is…43 year old male suffering from severe seizures…check out these scans…" She held them out to Amelia.


End file.
